Akatsuki Summer Beach House 2: Miami Beach Condo
by AkiraDawn
Summary: Akatsuki is heading out for another beach vacation. This means haphazard driving, overpacking, too much drinking, surf, turf and lots more. Rated M for language. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1 Deidara's Distraction Tactics

Akatsuki Summer Beach House 2: Miami Beach Condo

Well, everyone, this is my long awaited sequel to Akatsuki Summer Beach House. I really hope you enjoy this. I have put a lot of effort into it's planning phases so expect this to be a lengthy one. I wanted to prelude into this story from Akatsuki Job interview. This is for all you loyal readers who have put up with my computer problems which delayed me! Enjoy! Much Love, AkiraDawn!

I don't own Naruto, any of it's characters and I don't profit from the crazy things I write.

"Deidara…..Deidara……come here." Itachi whispered. It was the night before the trip south to Miami Beach, Florida.

"What, yeah?" Deidara said softly wondering what Itachi was being so secretive about. Itachi pulled him into their room and closed the door.

"Okay, you can't scream when I tell you what I'm about to tell you. I didn't tell anyone but….I rented a Mercedes convertible for you, me, Dana, and Marisol to go to the beach in." Itachi said. Deidara started to scream and Itachi quickly slammed his hand over Deidara's mouth to shut him up.

"Sssssshhhhhhhh! Dumbass! I told you to not scream! Listen! Here's the problem. I have to go pick up the car tonight. When I get back here with it everyone else is going to see it and Sasori is going to seriously kick my ass." Itachi said.

"Hmmmm, so like what are you getting at, yeah? Oh! Should I explode our parking lot, yeah?" Deidara asked. Itachi sighed.

"Deidara that would do absolutely no good whatsoever. What I need you to do is distract everyone else when I leave to get the car so no one questions where I'm going and why I have a giant folder from Hertz in my hand." Itachi said.

"Okay, I can so distract, yeah. When do you leave to pick it up, yeah?"

"I have to be in Hertz's parking lot at 7:00 tonight and I'm taking a cab there."

"Okay, how's this for a distraction…" Itachi cut Deidara off.

"Deidara I don't care how you do it…just do it and keep your mouth shut about this…oh and by the way, I co-signed your name on the rental agreement." Itachi said.

"Hey! Kisame! Are you going to the liquor place tonight? We have to finish packing up this cooler so we can carry it down to the van tomorrow." Sasori asked checking over lists to make certain everything was taken care of for the trip.

"I'm leaving now, Sasori. Do we need anymore groceries? I'll go to the store if we do." Kisame said.

"Hey man, I'll go with you." Zetsu said. Sasori looked at the HUGE pile of groceries stacked up by the door. To hit some of the highlights, they had 4 DiGiorno frozen pizzas, 12 bags of chips, Salsa, ranch dip, Macaroni and cheese dinners, lunch meat, a loaf of bread, 30 slices of deli long horn cheese, 24 packs of instant Ramen noodles, 7 packs of various cookies, one dozen glazed donuts, a pineapple, 10 cans of spaghetti-O's with meatballs, hamburger buns, pancake mix, syrup, and breakfast sausage. And believe me, those were just the highlights!

"We're going to need a bottle of ketchup and some oyster crackers and anything else you think we need." Sasori answered crossing things off the list.

"Alright, well give me the liquor list and Zetsu and I will go to the store and get the liquor." Kisame said.

"Is your luggage ready for the van? Me and Hidan are going to start loading tonight." Sasori said.

"Yeah, our luggage is at the door." Kisame answered and off they went.

"Deidara, there's one more thing. Sasori is going to start checking luggage and loading it tonight. If he asks where our luggage is…distract him." Itachi instructed. Deidara thought a moment.

"But, I was going to use my distraction question for when you had to leave, yeah." Deidara said.

"Well, then….think of something else to use also. You have a good imagination." Itachi said. With their plan ready, Itachi and Deidara proceeded to join everyone else in the living room.

"So, Kakuzu, you're going to be in charge of our money….I know how much you like to hold it."

"Yes! Sasori! I'll be in charge of our charge cards, checkbook, and cash! Well, almost all of it, Itachi and Deidara won't let me hold on to any of their money stuff." Sasori marked 'money' off the list.

"Now, luggage check. Hidan, is your luggage ready?"

"Yep, it's all packed, really. Right there at the door." Hidan answered.

"Tobi? Tobi where's your luggage." Sasori asked.

"Hold on Sasori!" Tobi disappeared quickly. He soon returned with his 'luggage' which consisted of 7 plastic Wal-Mart bags…all tied together to keep stuff from falling out."

"Thanks….Tobi." Sasori said wondering why Tobi didn't pack in a suitcase.

"Of course, mine is there…Itachi, Deidara where's your luggage?" Itachi nudged Deidara. This was his cue.

"Ummmm…Sasori, do you ever wonder why Ice Breakers gum calls the little specks flavor crystals, yeah?" Deidara asked seriously. Sasori blinked a few times. Itachi couldn't tell if it was in anger or confusion.

"Yeah, actually I have wondered that before." Sasori said. "So about your luggage, where is it?"

"But Sasori, they aren't really crystals….are they, yeah?

"I don't so…I think they are more like…..Deidara! Where the hell is your and Itachi's luggage!" Sasori had realized he had gotten sidetracked and now he had lost it.

"We're still working on it!" Itachi quickly said so Deidara wouldn't say anything stupid.

"Hurry up, You two have had all afternoon." Sasori said. The newly appointed 'AKTSUKI' conversion van awaited in the parking lot. Soon Sasori would be helping Kisame and Zetsu drag suitcases to the van. "I would like to compliment Hidan for being such an organized packer, Hidan thanks for keeping it to such a small suitcase." Just when Hidan was getting ready to thank Sasori, Itachi and Deidara came back out or their bedroom with 3 king size suitcases. Deidara's cue was coming soon because Itachi would soon be sneaking out the door to pick up their car. Deidara turned and faced Sasori, Hidan, Kakuzu and Tobi.

"You know what I realized when I was packing today, yeah? I have so never had an STD, yeah!" Yes, that was Deidara's brilliant distraction.

"Deidara…." Sasori began. He sighed. "You know….never mind. There are times when I seriously wonder why the hell you are so…..forget it, just forget it!" Sasori continued to fume as Itachi sneakily slipped out the door to get their sweet car for the trip to the beach.

Miami Beach….are you ready for some hard to handle guests?


	2. Chapter 2 The Long Drive

It was 5:00 in the morning. Sasori was the first one awake, followed by Hidan, Kisame and Zetsu. It was going to be a long drive to Miami.

"Itachi? Deidara? You up?" Sasori called. Kisame was in the kitchen brewing a pot of coffee for their thermos. There would be a lot of coffee consumed during this long car ride. Fortunately, this thermos held 24 cups of coffee. A sleepy Tobi stumbled out of his bedroom and Kakuzu was already counting money although no one was sure where he got it. Sasori was not aware that Itachi and Deidara had been up since 4:30 putting final touches on their travel wardrobe and their hair. However, Sasori had headed to the parking lot to put the maps in the passenger seat of the can…..when he saw it.

15 minutes and one fuming Sasori later

"Itachi! What the FUCK is in that parking lot!" Sasori yelled angrily storming into Itachi and Deidara's bedroom.

"Oh that? Well see…." Itachi prepared to calmly explain.

"Oh shut the hell up Itachi! I know damn well what it is! But what the fuck do you think you're doing?! What is, is is, the conversion van just not good enough for you anymore!" Sasori was pissed. "And you!" He pointed at Deidara.

"I didn't do it! I didn't do it! I didn't do it, yeah!" Deidara whined.

"No. But you were in on it!" Sasori blamed.

"Well, Sasori it's like this. I wanted to take my girl to Miami Beach in something a little trendier than a conversion van. Now, it's nothing against Akatsuki or you or the van. But you know, that's just not going to work out." Itachi said pulling a hairbrush from Deidara's hand and applying his final strokes.

"You……dumb ass good for nothing piece of shit….WEASEL! Well, you know what. You have to have a code to get into the gated road that leads to the condo. And I sure as hell won't be giving that to your sorry ass." And Sasori left to spill to Kisame and Zetsu what Itachi had done. Itachi looked calmly as ever at Deidara. "Deidara, go wait in the parking lot for Dana and Marisol. Their cab should be arriving in about 10 minutes and you need to load their luggage since I loaded our 3 suitcases last night."

"Okay, here I go, yeah." And Deidara quickly made his way to the front door before Sasori had a chance to kill him.

"You know, Sasori quit being so pissed about it. It was Itachi's choice and that's the way it is. You know they will get lost because Deidara can't read a map worth shit. So just let them drive down separately, besides…our drive will be much more peaceful. Thinkn about it, you and Deidara won't argue about art and Itachi won't fight with Deidara about which of them is better in bed." Kisame was trying to point out the positives to him. Which actually made Sasori feel a little better.  
Soon there was a cab in the parking lot of the apartment complex. Marisol and Dana rolled out of the cab and the driver got out to help them unload their luggage from the trunk. Of course, both of them were dressed as if they would be spending the day shopping…..not in a car for 10 hours. Dana was decked out in her leggings and long tunic top with her D&G sunglasses. She looked positively beautiful. Marisol's white skirt was dangerously short, and her red high heels matched her red dolman style top. They were both gorgeous.

"Oh my god! Deidara, is that like so our car, yeah? Itachi told me all about it, yeah." Dana said man-handling her luggage. Her handbag was nearly as big as she was.

"Marisol! You look so pretty, yeah." Deidara said grabbing a hold of her.

"Oh my god baby, do you really like this outfit because I was nervous about the white Dior bag." Marisol asked still holding on to Deidara.

" Of course I do, yeah. My god Marisol you look so hot for a car ride, yeah. Oh my god! Your sunglasses match your shoes, yeah." Marisol screamed happily.

"Oh my god! I so didn't even realize that! She flung her arms tighter around Deidara and kissed him.

"Marisol! Do you have sun block in that bag, yeah?" Dana asked as she pulled shoved the luggage into the trunk. Of course Deidara ran to take it away from her. His precious sister wouldn't tug on anything.

"I do Dana, but….why would we need that in the car?" Marisol asked.

"Oh….good point, yeah." Dana answered her. Just then Itachi and Zetsu came out into the parking lot. They would be leaving soon.

"Hey, Dana has anyone paid that cab driver he's still….god Dana you look good!" Itachi's thoughts were interrupted.

"Thanks, yeah. So do you." Dana smiled like the angel she is. She couldn't help but get her arms around Itachi's waist, besides Deidara had all the luggage in the trunk now. Of course, the trunk lid would barely close and naturally Deidara set off the car alarm because he jammed it shut and then Itachi yelled at him and then Sasori appeared and cussed them both out. But, then Sasori politely greeted Marisol and Dana. Tobi, Hidan Kakuzu and Kisame came down the staircase with the coffee thermos, a bag of snacks, a six pack of Pepsi, and Hidan had the Holy Bible. He liked to read the verses out loud. Kakuzu would get pissed and they would fight, it was a certainty.

"Alright, time to go. Hidan you're my co-pilot. Let those two dumbasses figure out how to get to Miami." Sasori said. Hidan had three maps and he was ready to assist Sasori.

"Well, you know what? We're going to leave in front of you. We'll make it to Miami before you all and we'll be on the beach drinking pina colodas when you all are pulling in to the condo parking lot tonight!" Itachi challenged.

"Right, because Deidara, Dana and Marisol are going to get you to Miami." Sasori said sarcastically, starting up the van. Kakuzu, Tobi, Kisame, and Zetsu piled in. Fortunately, the leader had updated his music collection and now instead of an odd combination of CD's he had XM satellite radio. Hidan was excited because he enjoyed the chant stations. And he didn't bring his chant CD's with him.

"Deidara, don't you even ask me to drive. I am driving the entire way there." Itachi said.

"Oh check it out Dana, This is one of those convertibles with a back seat!" Marisol said.

"Yeah, you and I can sit back here, yeah." Dana said completely thrilled.

"Wow, if I would have known that, I probably would have worn a different skirt but I thought I was going to be on Deidara's lap." Marisol said.

"Oh good thinking, yeah. Smart move, I wish I would have thought of that. I mean I'm not saying that I want to sit on my brother's lap, yeah. Not like in THAT way, oh god, yeah. But….do you understand what I mean?"

"Of course, you would have just been in Itachi's lap, right?"

"Yeah." Dana answered. And so the little Mercedes left the conversion van behind in the parking lot. The ride through town was very empty, it was so early and there was no traffic yet. However, Itachi was approaching the interstate and in order to merge….he would have to speed up.

"Hmmm you know, my hair is blowing a little, yeah. I'm going to have to get a….AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH OH GOD!

"AAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!"

"PULL OVER ITACHI!" Dana yelled from the back seat. No one had planned that as the car reached 50 miles per hours there would be massive tangling of hair.

"Oh my god, oh my god. Everyone, just calm down, yeah. Is everyone okay?" Dana asked.

"Shit, I worked on these layers all fucking morning!" Itachi fumed.

"Wow it's usually only in my face like this after I have sex with Marisol, yeah."

"Okay, okay, relax everyone its okay. I have a hairbrush, some straightening spray and a cosmetology license. I can so fix this." Marisol said. She calmly reached into her giant purse and began searching for the brush. She had to fix herself first before she could detangle everyone else. As she dug through her stuff Sasori passed them in the van, laid on the horn and appropriately flipped Itachi off.

"Does he not realize that one wrong look from me and I could fry his ass?" Itachi asked Deidara.

"I'm sure he does, Itachi, yeah."

"Wow, all four of them were too stupid to realize that they needed to tie their hair up if they are going to ride all the way to Miami in a convertible." Sasori said to Hidan as they rolled down the interstate.

"Seriously, I would have thought Itachi would have been more on the ball than that."

"So much for thinking Hidan." Kisame said.

The journey had begun. In exactly 10 hours Akatsuki would arrive in Miami, Florida. 


	3. Chapter 3 DriveThru Rage

"Shut the hell up Hidan! I've counted the money 7 times and every time it's 2 thousand five hundred dollars." Kakuzu and Hidan were already arguing and they had only been on the road for 4 hours.

"Kakuzu, you aren't counting the checks! You keep leaving out those three checks the leader gave us." Hidan argued.

"No I don't! I have counted the money that is our….shit….I am leaving out three checks."

"God! If you would just listen to me you wouldn't be such a moron!" Hidan yelled at him.

"Hey, Sasori I think Tobi is getting car sick yet again so you're going to need to pull over again whenever you get a moment." Zetsu said.

"Why didn't he take that motion sickness medicine?" Sasori asked.

"He was so excited about the fresh scent of the Fabreze in the van that he forgot." Zetsu told him.

"Well, that is understandable. This van is fresh." Sasori answered.

"Oh yeah, you might as well pull over Sasori Tobi's going to throw up and I need an diet Pepsi real bad." Kisame said. Sasori sighed.

"Fine." And he quickly signed and slowly pulled the van over. The door quickly slid open and Tobi went running to the grass for the third time. Kisame went digging through the cooler.

"Hey, anyone want something?" Kisame called through the van.

"Yeah, will you make me a ham and cheese sandwich?" Zetsu asked.

"I'll take an iced tea." Hidan called back.

"Get that bag of pretzels and a Pepsi for me." Sasori said.

"I'll take a bottle of water and you know stupid Tobi will want those Finding Nemo fruit snacks the minute he gets back in here." Kakuzu said.

"Wow, everyone actually wanted something." Kisame said to himself. He had actually asked out of politeness. However, he would gladly take everyone something. Tobi slowly walked back to the van feeling much better. Sasori really hoped that Tobi would stop this throwing up thing. He wanted to get to the beach in time to have a beer on the balcony and overlook the ocean.

"Alright, here is everyone's requests, let's get back on the road." Kisame said.

"Oh! Fruit snacks. Gimme, gimme gimme gimme gimme!" Tobi obviously wasn't sick now. Sasori started the van again and once more they were rolling down the highway.

"God! This car kicks so much ass. I am so amazing." Itachi said mainly to himself.

"Itachi! You are going a little fast, yeah. The speed limit is clearly posted as 65 and you are like totally going 75, yeah."

"Deidara, I have to keep up with the traffic. If I slow down the traffic will run me over." Itachi insisted.

"Hey, Itachi sweetie we are really hungry back here are we going to stop somewhere, yeah?" Dana asked.

"Sure we will baby, I take the next exit."

"Oh my god! I want to order, yeah!" Deidara said.

"No, no no. There is no way in hell you are going to order. Deidara the last you ordered at McDonald's in the drive-thru you confused the woman taking the order and you kept changing your mind." Itachi said. Deidara pouted.

"Fine, yeah." Itachi took the next exit and the closet place to the highway was Taco Bell. Fortunately there wasn't a huge line in the drive-thru.

"Oh my god, I am like so panicking because I have no damn clue what I want, yeah." Dana said nervously.

"It's okay baby, take your time." Itachi said.

"Marisol, what are you getting, yeah." Dana asked.

"Hmmmm I think I'll get 2 soft tacos and a split a large diet Pepsi with Deidara." Marisol said.

"Oooh split something with me, yeah." Dana said.

"Okay, that's fine. I'll split it with you." Marisol reassured her.

"Dana, sweetheart, what do you want?" Itachi asked her.

"Ummmmmmm….A large diet Pepsi and 2 soft tacos, yeah."

"I want the same thing Itachu, well without the large diet Pepsi." Marisol said.

"Yeah, uh, I would like 4 soft tacos…" Itachi was interrupted.

"I'm sorry sir I can't hear you." The drive-thru operator.

"Oh okay, sorry." Itachi spoke louder. "I would like 4 soft tacos, a chicken fiesta border…" Itachi was interrupted again.

"Sir, can you hold on a moment…" Itachi sighed. "Deidara I hope to god you know what you want. Because this bitch is going to hear an earful from me." Itachi was getting enraged. "Okay sir, anytime."

"Okay I want 4 fucking soft tacos, a chicken fiesta border bowl, one double…"

"Sir could please repeat your order." Itachi was interrupted yet again and now Sharingan was burning like fire.

"Here, here I'll do it, yeah."

"NO GO TO HELL DEIDARA! I WANT 4 FUCKING SOFT TACOS! A CHICKEN FIESTA BORDER BOWL, AND A DOUBLE DECKER TACO! I ALSO WANT 2 FUCKING LARGE DIET PEPSI'S!" Itachi was clenching the steering wheel.

"What was that last part?" the cashier person asked.

Let's hope they get through this, because things are not looking good right now. Meanwhile, back in the van…

"So, I'm a little nervous about this whole Miami Beach thing because Miami is supposed to be like……where the beautiful people are. I won't fit in there." Zetsu said.

"Man, don't sweat it. Miami beach will be like all other beaches. I mean sure there will be the occasional girl wearing one of those thong bikini things and some guy wearing a speedo being all buff. But all in all, we have nothing to worry about." Kisame reassured him.

"Hey! Check it out we just crossed the South Carolina line!" Hidan said. We only have Georgia and 90 percent of Florida to get through!"

"What do you say we get a little bet going." Sasori said. Everyone in the car moaned.

"Sasori, what are you wanting to buy now?" Non-carsick Tobi asked.

"Oh nothing, nothing. I just think this trip would be even more interesting if we started betting." Sasori said.

"I'm in, I love money." Kakuzu said.

"I bet you 25 dollars Itachi and Deidara get lost on their way to the condo."

"Hell, I am so not in on that bet. You know they'll get lost." Kisame said. And so the pooling began. Sasori knew he would win this one.

"Itachi, baby it's okay, yeah" Dana said reaching around the back seat and putting her arms around Itachi's neck. "Maybe, Taco Bell employees don't understand things as well as other fast food places, yeah." If it hadn't been for Dana's hands on Itachi's neck, he may have flipped out and killed everyone in Taco Bell.

"I'm not going to yell, I'm not going to kill anyone, I'm going to calmly hand things back to you Dana and then I'm going to fucking floor it out of this damn parking lot!!!!!!!!!!!!" Itachi said as he distributed all the stuff from Taco Bell. "Now, everyone hold on." Itachi slammed the gas pedal down and they all squealed out of the Taco Bell parking lot.

"Dana, you are really going to have to calm him down tonight if you know what I mean." Marisol told her quietly.

"Well….yeah. Marisol, we're going to Miami. Miami IS sex, yeah." Dana told her.

"You are right." Marisol agreed. The drama with Taco Bell wasn't over yet.

"Oh my god! Oh my god, yeah! I just dropped sauce on these white pants, oh my god! What do I do, what do I do, what do I do, yeah? WHAT DO I DO!?" Deidara panicked.

"SHUT THE HELL UP DEIDARA! IT'S NOT A BIG SPOT!"

"Hold still. Hold still baby. Relax, I'm going to lick it off." Marisol had a solution. Itachi slammed the brakes into a red light. He looked at Marisol.

"You're going to….what?" he asked her. Of course Marisol was already half way into the front seat.

"What like I haven't licked there before?" She asked Itachi innocently.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! Marisol! I have my shout wipes, yeah! I just found them, yeah!" Dana proclaimed handing her a moist stain removing towlette.

"Great! Then I'll just rub the stain out!" Marisol was delighted that the stain dilemma was solved.

"What, what what the hell!? Whys is everything sexual with you?" Itachi asked curiously. Marisol gasped.

"It is so not, Itachi stains are a serious thing. If you dropped that whole bowl in your lap right now, Dana would be up here to save the day." Marisol said. "now, hold still baby, the stain will be gone in just a minute." Deidara watched in horror as the awful sauce stain was lifted from his pristine white pants.

Meanwhile, the AKTSUKI conversion van was pulled over at a rest area for Tobi….again. This trip was entertaining indeed. Although Itachi, Deidara, Marisol and Dana were not making good time. They were only in North Carolina…an entire state behind the van….


	4. Chapter 4 Gas Station Drama

"Oh my god, um….we have a problem." Itachi said getting ready to panic.

"What, what, what's the problem, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"Well, number one we have to stop and get gas and number two….we're kind of lost. Get the map out." Itachi said." Deidara opened up the map forgetting that the wind would just blow it around and keep it from actually being read. In fact, the map blew backwards against him and ripped.

"God, Deidara you are so useless." Itachi rolled his eyes. "You know what forget, it. Let's just stop at this gas station coming up at the next exit and we'll ask directions." Thank goodness it was one of those huge travel plaza type gas stations.

"Oh my god! Look Marisol, truckers, yeah! Hey, let's wave!" Dana said enthusiastically as the truckers oogle-eyed the blonde bomb shells Itachi and Deidara were toting around. Itachi pulled up to one of the gas pumps. He opened the door and let Dana get out, Marisol did the same on Deidara's side of the car and quickly began straightening out her wrinkled white skirt. Itachi stared at the gas pump with one arm around Dana's waist. He then looked at Deidara.

"Um…Deidara….do….you know how to pump gas?"

"Hell no, Itachi. You know we always take taxis or the metro, yeah." Itachi and Deidar stared mindlessly at the gas pump.

"You know what, Dana Marisol you two pump the gas and we are going to go inside and get directions.

"Oh, we are like so lost aren't we, Itachi, yeah?" Dana asked.

"Well, yes sweetie we are…but I can fix this. I'm a totally together, calm and self sufficient man. But I will say that here we are in South Carolina and I think we're off track because the signs are pointing to Mississippi…not Georgia. And we have to go through Georgia to get to Florida."

"Okay well me and Marisol…We got this, yeah!" Dana said confidently. Marisol nodded in agreement. So Itachi and Deidara hurried inside to talk to the cashier.

"Dana, my boyfriend has the best body in the whole universe." Marisol said."

"Are you serious, yeah? Oh wait….your boyfriend is my brother, I knew that! Of course Marisol I can't say that about my brother but Itachi is smoking hot, yeah."

"I guess that is fair that you can't properly judge your own brother. Okay, Dana we have to figure this out." Marisol said as the two girls looked helplessly at the gas pump.

"Oh my god…Marisol I have never done this, yeah!"

"Shit, I haven't either Dana."

Meanwhile, in the conversion van…..

"Man, this has been the most relaxing trip we've ever taken! Deidara's not singing every single pop radio hit to us. Itachi's not….being him. We're almost to the Florida state line! Quick! Sasori find us a celebration song!" Kisame said.

"Alright…..uh…..oh! How about Madonna's 'Like A Virgin'?" Sasori asked. There was a long pause.

"THAT'S PERFECT!" everyone shouted in near unison. Consider it the Miami Beach anthem for the members of the van.

"Hey, you seriously want to know the first thing I'm going to do when we reach the condo?" Hidan asked.

"Of course we do." Zetsu said.

"I'm going to take a picture of the condo and e-mail it to my mom, seriously." Hidan proudly proclaimed.

"Oh, oh! I'm going to build a sand castle." Tobi said.

"I'm going to look for pennies in those center fountain things." Kakuzu said.

"I think I'm going to take the good bedroom from Itachi and Deidara." Kisame said laughing.

"Well, I'm going to go through the groceries and fix us something to eat." Zetsu said.

"Oh man, I'm going to change clothes into the sexy stuff I brought, take a 6 pack of beer down to the beach and lay in a hammock all evening."

"Hmmmmm sounds exotic, Sasori." Hidan said.

"But wait, how do you think things will change when Itachi and Deidara arrive at the condo?" Zetsu asked.

"Well, the way I see it, we'll all have to ignore the fact that Dana and Marisol are so hot and ignore all the sex going on around us." Kisame said.

"Good call." Hidan said.

"God, Marisol what's with the numbers, yeah? And unleaded? What's that? This thing is called the pump, yeah. But….where does it go into the car, yeah?" Marisol looked very hard at the car.

"Oh my god! There's a little door thing! Let's open it!" Marisol was thrilled. However, after 5 minutes of trying to figure out what to do next, they both decided it was time to call for help.

"Hey, let's ask one of those truckers. They can help us, yeah!" Dana said. There was a huge tractor-trailer parked nearby and so Dana went over to the drivers side. "Excuse me, yeah. Hi! Um, me and my friend need help pumping gas, yeah." Let's go inside the gas station now to Itachi and Deidara…

"Hi, how can I help you?" The cashier asked.

"Well, we're heading to Florida, so we need to know if we're lost." Itachi said.

"Oh you boys are heading the wrong way. Here's what you need to do." The cashier began to give Itachi directions and Deidara was supposed to be paying attention but he shifted his attention out the gas station window and then it happened…..

"OH MY GOD!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, YEAH!" Deidara's girly high pitched screaming could be heard throughout the gas station convenient store. "Itachi! Itachi! Shit! There, there's….some SCARY TRUCKER GUY STANDING REALLY CLOSE TO MARISOL AND DANA, YEAH! He's going to hurt them, shit what if he tries to touch them, yeah!? Oh my goooooooooood! I have got to do something, yeah! Wait……think Deidara……OH! I've got it, yeah! I'm just…I'm going to blow this whole gas station up! That will fix things, yeah. I'm just going to…." Deidara's rant was interrupted.

"DEIDARA!" and then Itachi slapped Deidara senseless across the face.

"AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH! Oh my god! You so just slapped me, yeah!" Deidara said.

"Deidara, calm down. Okay first, if you blow the gas station up….you get arrested and I get drug into it. Secondly, they are fine….no one is going to hurt either of them." Itachi said. Deidara was still breathing hard.

"But, but….that trucker, he looked at them in a degrading and unclean way, I just know it, yeah!"

"Deidara….relax." Itachi said.

"Thanks, Earl! Bye!" Marisol waved to the trucker.

"Yeah, bye Earl! The naked lady air freshener is great,yeah!"

"Dana, since we have the gas pumped and Itachi and Deidara are still getting directions which we already have why don't I get out my flat iron from my purse and we can work on our hair? Look! There's an electrical socket right over there!" Marisol said.

"That is such a good idea, yeah!" Dana said.

Would these four ever make it to Miami?


	5. Chapter 5 The Road Trip Continues

"Wooooooooooooooo! Pensecola, Florida!" Kisame shouted. "Wow, we only have about 4 hours left!"

"Hey, Hidan want me to pull over and us trade places for a while?" Sasori asked.

"Me? Seriously, drive the van? Sasori….I'm honored!" Hidan said.

"Hidan, you are in the top 4 responsible Akatsuki members. It's Me, you, Kisame and Zetsu in no particular order." Sasori said. Hidan started to tear up.

"Wow guys…..you are my best friends. Pull over Sasori, I'll take the wheel." And so Sasori pulled over in the Burger King parking lot to switch drivers and load up on Whopper's with cheese. Their ordering experience was much smoother than Itachi's Taco Bell fiasco.

"You know, I wonder if Dana and Marisol can cook? We brought so much food and we can't expect Sasori to cook all the time." Zetsu said laughing.

"Well the last time Dana was in the kitchen she was slicing a store bought angel food cake and dipping it in store bought pre-melted chocolate. So….she don't got game and Itachi would kill me if he heard me say that." Hidan said

"Yeah and Marisol…..well poor thing, she burnt an entire loaf of bread in the toaster once. I mean she just kept shoving those slices in and kept burning them." Kisame said.

"In her defense, Deidara's hands were in her shorts and god only knows what he was doing in there. So technically, she deserves another chance." Zetsu said.

"Okay, I'm going to say this and I know I'll regret it later. When I met Dana, I thought she was absolutely beautiful but she's really….kind of ditzy. But…..then I met Marisol who is smoking hot but my god she's the dumbest girl on the planet I swear. Now, if Deidara were here right now, he would explode the van. But that is the truth." Sasori said.

"Does anyone wonder why we aren't dating anyone?" Hidan asked as he was now the driver.

"Hell, I know why! It's because we aren't trendy, we don't work out, we look horrible, we have bad hair, we aren't the least bit good at relationships, we suck at…." Kakuzu started.

"Okay, okay Kakuzu, I think you've made your point." Tobi said "Wow, why are we so lame?"

"We're not lame! We just have different priorities. We're into hobbies and stuff and Itachi and Deidara…we know who they're into." Kisame said.

Ah yes, nothing like classic Akatsuki bonding time in the van. Saosri's CRZR started ringing it's 'Permiscuous Girl' ringtone. Sasori reached for it.

"Hey Leader! Yeah, we're just outside Pensecola, Florida. Oh the drive has been great. No, no drama yet. Yeah, you'll never guess what those 2 fuckers did, they rented a Mercedes convertible! I was pissed but I'm over it now because we have had a nice drive. Yeah Hidan's driving, we'll be in Miami in around 4 hours. You wife wants what? Oh god, Leader, you know we can't get something like that! Wait….I'll send Deidara's sister and his girlfriend to pick that out. Okay, okay sure. Yep, we'll call when we get to the condo. See ya!"

"I'm guessing that was the Leader?" Zetsu asked.

"Yeah, his wife wants a thong….from Miami. WE CAN'T PICK THAT OUT!" Sasori said slightly mortified.

"Riiiiiiiiiight, that is so not out job." Kisame said.

Meanwhile, further up the highway….

"Hey! Look baby! We're in Georgia. Oh my god, there are peaches in this state, yeah!" Dana said enthusiasically."

"Really? I always thought this was the 'Orange State'." Marisol said.

"Hmmmm, I think all the oranges are in Florida, yeah." Deidara told her.

"Oh, okay." Marisol agreed.

"So what are we going to do when we get to the condo tonight? Itachi asked.

"Oh! You mean like have sex, yeah?" Dana asked.

"Well, of course, but what else are we going to do tonight?"

"MARISOL! We could so get a 6-pack of that Bacardi Mandarin Orange, change clothes and go lay in a hammock, yeah!" Deidara said completely thrilled. Marisol gasped.

"OKAY!" was her answer.

"Dana, baby, their evening is planned. What do you want to do?" Itachi asked.

"Hmmmmmm." Dana screamed. "Oh my god! Let's go down to the beach tonight and build a bonfire, yeah!"

"Sweetheart, that's a wonderful idea. We'll take that Light Corona that Sasori bought." Itachi said.

"You know what I love most about the beach, yeah? Deidara asked.

"What baby?" Marisol wondered. Deidara smiled all over.

"The sea birds, yeah!" It really didn't come as a total shocker to anyone in the car after all this was Deidara we were dealing with.

"But, why Hidan, why the hell of all things the Leader's wife could possibly choose…..why does she want THAT!?" Sasori was still a little taken aback by the Leader's request.

"I don't know, maybe she's trying to seduce him, seriously." Hidan answered as they headed toward Orlando.

"No, no they are way past that point in their lives." Kakuzu added.

"Hey! There's Disney World!" Tobi pointed like crazy.

"Tobi, that's not Disney World, that's a billboard advertising timeshares at Disney World." Kisame told him.

"But the Leader's wife has always been satisfied with….knick knacks! Why has her taste changed!" Sasori was still beating this.

"Dude, let it go. We'll send Itachi and them to get that for her and it will all be over." Zetsu said.

"You know what, we should really start discussing out sleeping arrangements." Itachi said.

"Itachi, we haven't even seen the condo, yeah. We can't just decide. Besides, everyone else is like ahead of us and you know they'll pick where they want to be, especially Sasori, he's just a bitch sometimes, yeah."

"No Deidara, I mean we are probably going to end up sharing a room so we need to work something out." Itachi said.

"What is there to work out, yeah?" Deidara asked. Itachi sighed; he was starting to lose patience with him. "Oh! You mean our clothes, yeah? You are right we do need to decide what needs ironed when we get in our room, yeah." Itachi shook his head.

"You are such a dumbass, do you know that? Do you know that you area a dumbass?" Deidara gasped.

"I am so not, yeah!"

Thank god this car ride was almost over. Surely if they make it through Georgia, they can make it the rest of the way.


	6. Chapter 6 The Arrival

"Oh my god! Sasori! I can't believe we are going to be at the Leader's condo in forty-five minutes!" Hidan said as they got closer and closer to Miami.

"I know, man! Hey, when we get to Oceanside Estates, we have to punch in a code that will take us up a private drive to the condo." Sasori said.

"Sweet! Oh god, this is going to be our greatest vacation in years! Tonight, let's eat one of those shrimp rings on the balcony and celebrate our constant criminal intent!" Zetsu said. It was very clear that everyone was getting very excited about the arrival in paradise.

"Okay, time to trade, yeah." Deidara said handing a half consumed milkshake to Marisol. Marisol traded with him, yes it was a little odd but this was their 'thing'. It was Itachi's idea to stop for frozen dairy treats but it was always Deidara and Marisol's idea to trade halfway through their milkshakes.

"Hey, Itachi, if I were an ice cream sandwich……how would you eat me, yeah?" Dana asked. Itachi smirked.

"Dana, baby….I'd lick all the cream out of your layers." Dana laughed like crazy and continued eating her cranberry gelato. Of course, she nearly made Itachi wreck trying to give him some of it. No one said anything for what felt like 3 minutes.

"Oh my god! Dana! Did you just use that ice cream line on Itachi, yeah!? Dana! You are so my sister and I so taught Itachi that response, yeah. Oh my gooooooood! Dana! Who taught you that filthy little line that works every single time, yeah?" Deidara demanded.

"You're girlfriend, yeah." Dana answered still laughing. Deidara thought really hard for a moment.

"Oooh that's right, she did know about that line because of course she just HAD to use it on me and then naturally what do I do, yeah? I just spread her apart and…"

"Deidara, shut up, we all know you have three tongues." Itachi said completely pissed.

"Huh? What does me having three tongues have to do with anything, yeah? Deidara asked still drinking Marisol's Chocolate Raspberry milkshake. "Wait, are you talking about that one time when you walked in and I had Marisol on top the washer and we were…." Dana quickly cut Deidara off.

"Hey! Look you guys! We are so coming out of Orlando, yeah! Dana exclaimed.

"That means we'll so be there in like….3 hours or something!" Marisol said.

"So, what exactly did you do on top the washer, yeah?" Dana asked Marisol softly.

"Come here." Marisol yanked Dana's ear over towards hers.

"How deep is the ocean?" Tobi just had to ask Kakuzu.

"Tobi, the ocean has various depths, it's not just one depth."

"But….about how deep is it?" Tobi pressed the issue more.

"You can't judge it! It changes!" Kakuzu said.

"Well, how can I measure it while we're here?" Kakuzu sighed.

" Tobi, you can't just go measure the ocean."

"Guy, guys, guys." Hidan shut everyone up. There was a long pause. "We have arrived." The van was right outside the Oceanside Estates gate. Hidan punched the security code in and the gate opened up the private drive towards the condo. Everyone was silent as they admired the higher standard of living around them.

"Do you realize we are exactly 5 minutes from downtown Miami?" Sasori asked whoever would answer him.

"That's so incredibly amazing, yet I can feel my self esteem slowly slipping away as I compare myself to the beautiful people of Miami." Kisame said. It was a short drive back to the building where the condo was located.

"Oh my god! We're here and….the beach is on the other side of this building!" Tobi said clambering for the door. Everyone quickly piled out of the van and Sasori pulled the keys of the condo out of the glove box.

"Alright let's everyone grab a lot of crap and head t the elevator. It's condo number 7B, it's the one on the top floor." Sasori instructed. Thirteen minutes of hauling crap later, Sasori opened up the condo. "Holy……shit." Sasori said nothing else he just stood there in the condo entrance…..the overly gorgeous oceanfront condo entrance. Kisame was about to drop everything he had in his arms however he looked over Sasori into the huge living room of the condo. Everyone was staring at the ocean through the back wall of the condo that was nearly glass.

"Would anyone like to tell me why the leader had never before told us about this place, seriously?" Hidan asked.

"I don't know Hidan, this place is the bitch." Zetsu said as everyone filed into the monstrous condo. Kakuzu and Tobi started unloading the food into the kitchen.

"Man, this is so amazing! No Itachi and Deidara to ruin our perfect lives at this moment! No screaming and running towards the balcony to admire the fact that they are just as pretty as everyone else on the beach!" Sasori proudly proclaimed as he examined the condo.

"Hey how many bedrooms are in this place, who's going to stay with who?" Kisame asked.

"Well…." Sasori looked around ad he quickly found the gigantic master bedroom. Once again he was staring blankly. Kisame and Zetsu joined him.

"No, no Sasori…..you better do the right thing. You can't have it or you'll know who'll come in here and beat your ass for this room." Zetsu said.

"It's mine Zetsu, Itachi has everything he doesn't get this." Sasori said.

"Dude, I don't mean to kill your buzz right now, but seriously……Itachi will kill you for that." Hidan said.

"Fine." Sasori was pissed. "But I get second pick." He quickly added.

"Do you think we should stop somewhere and get liquor before we get into Miami, yeah?" Dana asked Itachi.

"Yeah, Dana we should."

"Itachi, your driving sucks a lot of ass, yeah." Deidara said calmly.

"Shut up." Was his reply.

"Okay, Itachi, baby give me and Marisol 40 dollars and let us do the rest. You two aren't very good at picking out alcohol, yeah." Dana said.

"What do you mean we're not good?" Itachi asked her.

"Well, last time you two got the margarita mix…but no tequila. You got ice, but no blender, you got vodka but no cranberry juice for the martinis, yeah." Dana could have gone on but she didn't. And so at only 20 minutes outside of Miami Dana and Marisol went into the most convenient liquor place. It was hard to believe that they had made it this far. The current time was 6:00 in the evening, they would only be 40 minutes behind everyone else. Of course, Itachi had made up for them getting lost by driving 80 miles per hour through the center of Florida.


	7. Chapter 7 Designer Swimsuits

"Damn it Deidara! Quit punching random numbers into that stupid gate security keypad!" Itachi yelled at him.

"Itachi, I'm trying to get us into the gate, yeah! One of these codes has to work! Wait! I could just blow the gate up, yeah! Okay, let's move the car, yeah. I'll explode this bitch!" Deidara said confidently.

"Deidara!! You stupid fucker! You can't blow up the gate! Marisol has a cell phone, we'll just call Sasori to get the code!" Itachi was getting so pissed.

"Okay, okay. Itachi just calm down I'm getting out my phone to call Sasori." Marisol said quickly dialing Sasori and handing the phone to Itachi. Sasori answered the phone calmly.

"Hey Itachi, where are you guys, I'm lying here on the balcony slowly drinking Corona and…." Itachi cut Sasori off.

"Shit the hell up Sasori and give me the code to get into the access road!" he shouted.

"You know Itachi, I wouldn't have to give you the code at all. I mean you really pissed me off this morning and we're are really having a relaxing evening up here without you."

"Sasori! Shut the fuck up and give us the damn code!" After some more incessant arguing with Sasori Itachi finally threatened his life and Sasori gave him the code. The gate slowly opened up and the four of them admired the beautiful drive ahead. It was 9:30 in the evening and it was time to make their grand entrance into the condo grounds.

"Oh! Marisol! Come sit on my lap the rest of the way in, yeah!" Deidara encouraged her. Of course she wasn't going to say no, so she climbed in on his lap……short skirt and all. It was time to ruin everyone else evening…..

10 bad driving minutes later….

"Hey, hey Kisame……do you…..hear massive bass, seriously?" Hidan asked. Kisame listened as he opened up a Bacardi Mandarin Orange malt beverage.

"No I don't hear anything." He answered.

"Seriously, listen I'm hearing…..really loud……rap. What is up with that?" Kisame and Hidan opened up the door of the condo only to look out and hear Young Jibbs "Do Your Chain Hang Low?" blasting from down the road. Then a matter of moments later the Mercedes appeared and Itachi made the final turn so sharply that Dana nearly went flying out of the back seat.

"Hey guys, the dumbass wagon has arrived." Kisame yelled into the condo.

"You really shouldn't put those girls in that category." Zetsu said.

"I don't know I mean they sleep with those two so they are beginning to slip into the same category." Kisame said.

"It's about time you get here!" Kakuzu yelled stepping out to the front of the condo."

"Well, we got a little bit lost which ended up putting us like 2 hours behind." Itachi said getting out of the Mercedes and popping the trunk.

"Hi Kakuzu, yeah!" Dana called up to him. Deidara had his hand wrapped around Marisol's and so he led her around to the trunk to start unloading stuff, of course there was no way in hell Deidara would let Marisol carry any luggage so instead he handed her a hanging bag of clothes. Tobi ran out to the front of the condo to check things out.

"Hey guys! Hey guys! Guess what! I found my water wings and my seahorse float ring!" Tobi declared.

"That's wonderful Tobi." Itachi said completely uninterested. Finally, Itachi, Deidara, Dana and Marisol stumbled to the elevator with loads of luggage. Once inside the condo Dana screamed like the girl she was.

"Like oh my god! This place is soooooooooo beautiful, yeah! Dana screeched dropping her luggage in a pile.

"Yeah well uh…..you and Itachi get that room over there on your left." Kisame said reluctantly.

"Seriously?" Itachi said suspiciously walking over to the master bedroom. He opened up the door. "Holy shit! Dana get the hell in here."

"You NEVER EVER say hell to my sister, yeah!" Deidara said more than pissed.

"Shut the hell up Deidara you haven't seen what's in here!" Itachi said. Zetsu rolled his eyes.

"Well, our time of peace and solitude is officially over." Deidara went into the master bedroom.

"Holy shit! Dana get the hell in here, yeah!" Deidara yelled at her. Dana screamed the minute she stepped inside the bedroom.

"Chances are we don't see those two the rest of the vacation." Hidan said. Sasori came calmly strolling in from the balcony with his beverage.

"Well, well, well. Look who's finally here." Sasori said to Marisol.

"Yeah, we so made it. You know Itachi makes me a little nervous in the car." Marisol told him. Deidara returned from the master bedroom while Itachi and Dana unpacked.

"Sasori! Danna! We're here, yeah!" Deidara said happily scooping Marisol up in his arms. "Hey! Where is our room, yeah!? Deidara asked kissing her forehead.

"It's that door over there." Sasori said dryly. Deidara put Marisol down and they both hauled too much luggage into their room.

It wasn't 20 minutes that Dana came out of the master bedroom and Sasori nearly choked on his alcohol, Kakuzu screamed and ran into the other room and everyone else just stared. After like 5 minutes of Sasori choking and no one really caring that he was choking, he finally managed to say something to Dana.

"Oh…..oh…….oh my god! Dana…..is that….seriously even a swim suit!?" His voice had gotten all high and squeaky.

"What do you mean of course it's a swim suit, yeah." Dana said wrapping the coordinating cover-up around her waist.

"But……but…..but….but…but….there's nothing to it!" Sasori exclaimed, his voice still squeaky. Dana was wearing a Calvin Klein light blue bikini that showed off pretty much every curve of her body she had. Itachi came of out the master bedroom dressed in his stunning DKNY swim trunks he had taken out of Deidara's suitcase the night before and his Calvin Klein t-shirt. After all, he liked to match.

"Sasori! I love this swim suit, yeah! Is there really something wrong with it?" Dana asked now feeling self conscious.

"No, no, no, no, no! There is NOTHING wrong with it, seriously." Hidan added quickly before Sasori could say anything.

"Dana, you're going to need this sweatshirt I'm sure, you'll get cold on the beach." Itachi said searching for matches in the kitchen for their bonfire. Dana got in the fridge and pulled out the remainder of the Bacardi mandarin orange malts. Itachi and Dana quickly left and just when Sasori was starting to regain composure Marisol and Deidara walked out of their bedroom and Sasori started choking again.

"Oh my god! Look! My Dolce and Gabbana heels match my swim suit! I didn't even realize this until I put them on." Marisol was so thrilled.

"Marisol……can I tell you something….." Hidan said reluctantly.

"Sure!" She said happily.

"If you wear that outside of this condo….no one will be looking at your shoes." Marisol laughed.

"Oh, oh, oh Hidan you are funny! Dana's the one with the rack not me!

"Marisol….you don't have to have a rack to be amazingly HOT, seriously." Hidan said. Marisol just laughed some more, it was obvious she didn't really believe him.

"Marisol! How do I look, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"I could so tear your clothes off of you right now!" she said.

"Good! That was the response I was hoping for, yeah!" Deidara said wrapping his arms around her. "Do you want to know what I could do to you right now, yeah?" He said softly to her. Marisol laughed.

"Oh I can feel….." Sasori cut her off.

"Get out of here both of you get out, get out, get out!" Sasori was not pleased.

"God Sasori it's not like I'm going to make love to her right here, yeah! I would at least wait until you are too drunk to know, yeah!" Deidara said holding on to Marisol's hand and holding on to their beer in the other. "Come on baby, let's go unwind, yeah." Deidara told her. And they disappeared out of the condo, while Hidan quickly got the biggest glass of water he could find to fix the dry mouth problem he had just acquired since Dana and Marisol had appeared.

Welcome to Miami! Bienvenido a Miami! It's going to be a crazy 7 days…..


	8. Chapter 8 Hidan the Omelet King

"Oh god……what a rough night." Sasori mumbled to no one in particular with his head down between his arms gripping a cup of coffee tightly.

"Really? I slept great!" Hidan answered taking out a skillet to prepare his signature omelets.

"No wonder, you slept across the hall in the back bedroom, where I seriously think I will be sleeping on the floor tonight." Sasori answered him.

"Has anyone seen Tobi this morning?" Kisame asked.

"He went to the beach to swim." Kakuzu answered.

"Damn it! He's not supposed to swim unsupervised!" Kisame said quickly running to the front door of the condo.

"So, what's on the agenda for today?" Zetsu asked.

"It appears to be Hidan's great omelets, a stroll down the beach , I was thinking I would go to the wine and cheese tasting at the plaza at 1:00 today so if anyone wants to go and maybe….." Sasori was interrupted by screaming. "Why, why, why! I never escape the fucking screaming! Oh my god! I'm leaving Akatsuki as soon as we get back from this trip." Sasori said less than thrilled.

"Oh my god! I have to tell you guys something, yeah!" Dana said running into the living room, her blue eyes shinning. "Okay, so I like so thought that this was the week of my period, yeah……but it's so not until next week, yeah!" Dana squealed. Sasori, Hidan, Zetsu, and Kakuzu just stared at her for a moment.

"Dana, was that really worth the screaming?" Sasori asked as calmly as possible.

"Don't you know what this means, yeah!? I don't have to wear my stupid period clothes, yeah!" That was Dana's announcement. She ran back into the master bedroom to dig through her suitcase.

"See a long, long time ago the Leader let a dumb ass named Deidara into Akatsuki….he didn't screen Deidara to see if he had a sister that Itachi would get the hots for." Sasori said.

"Yeah and none of us ever planned on Deidara dragging a girlfriend along." Hidan said dishing out the first omelet to Zetsu. Speaking of which Marisol appeared in the kitchen ready for the day.

"You look nice, how did you sleep?" Sasori said already knowing the answer to the question. He asked this partially out of spite.

"Oh! I slept great! But you know, I seriously think it was because Deidara completely wore me the hell out and I just don't understand it because I can typically keep up with him but oh my god! Last night…." Sasori cut her off.

"Okay, okay, okay I think I get the picture Marisol.

"Marsiol, do you want an omelet?" Hidan asked her.

"Is it made with egg substitute and low fat cheese?"

"Hmmm…no." Hidan said.

"Oh well thanks anyway, we'll just go get some orange juice and maybe a whole grain bagel later on." Marisol said.

"Doesn't she look pretty, yeah?" Deidara asked whoever would answer him wrapping his arms around Marisol.

"She does. So what are you two doing today? Sasori said quickly.

"We're going shopping with Itachi and Dana this morning and at 2:30 we're coming back to get some lunch, spend some time by the pool and tonight…..we're so totally going to Caliente the hottest, trendiest Latin American ball-room dance club in Miami, yeah! I CAN'T WAIT! Me and Marisol are going to dance the salsa, meringue, samba…."

"Deidara, do you ever stop and think that maybe sometimes you just talk all the time?" Sasori said rather pissed at this point. Deidara ignored Saosri.

"Oh my god! Sasori, wait until you see my ballroom suit, yeah……it was handmade in Madrid. Although I haven't' seen Marisol's dress although she says it's a real heart stopper, yeah. "

"Trust me I dread going to this Latin place tonight." Itachi said softly to Kisame as he fidgeted with his extremely pricy watch.

"Well, while the four of you are out today the leader's wife wants a thong." Zetsu said with disturbance in his voice.

"Oh, okay, yeah." Dana said calmly.

"Alright, sure." Everyone else chimed in completely undisturbed by the leader's wife's request.

"What's wrong with you people!? Are you not completely freaked out by that!" Kakuzu said.

"I'm wearing one now, are you freaked out by that, yeah?" Dana asked. Kakuzu swallowed hard.

"Yes." He muttered softly. Not much else was said before they left on their morning shopping adventure.

"You know, Kisame has been gone for a long time, seriously. Do you think something happened to him and Tobi?" Hidan asked flipping out a ham and cheese omelet.

"Hey! Here's an idea, let's get ready and go down to the beach, look for Kisame and Tobi and take our omelets to go." Zetsu suggested.

"Great idea!" Kakuzu quickly chimed in.

"I'll get the sunblock, fill the cooler with corona, and grad a few towels." Sasori said.

"Don't forget the radio!" Hidan called as he continued to be the omelet master. "Seriosuly, who wants salsa on their western omelet?"

"I'll take salsa and Jalapenos!" Kakuzu yelled from the other room.

"You know what we left at the Leader's house? Our giant ass Akatuski umbrella, the one with the red clouds all over it." Sasori said coming into the kitchen to fill the cooler with ice.

"Hmmmmm, maybe we can talk some girls into letting us share an umbrella with us." Hidan said confidently.

"Well that's a lovely little plan Hidan but I'm a fucking redhead! No one wants me 43 year old ass!" Sasori said spitefully.

"Dude! You give up way too easily, seriously. Or I guess it could be that you've had to deal with a lot of competition, but let's you and I stick together, we'll get an umbrella with some friendly ladies. We'll make certain they know that Kisame is harmless and when Zetsu is soaking up the sun he's pretty much harmless. See, we're in!" Hidan encouraged him.

"Alright, but only because I totally trust you." Sasori commented, still a little skeptical. And so as everyone gathered up their crap, boys day out was about to begin.

"Tobi! Tobi! You stupid idiot! You're not supposed to swim out that far!" Kisame yelled as he swam out waaaaaay into the waves to retrieve Tobi the moron.

"I'm sorry Kisame! I just started paddling and the current came and then my float was just so fun! I kept spinning around and the raft riders! They were fun too! Then I ended up way out here with my Finding Nemo water wings deflating and now my inner tube has seaweed all over it!" Tobi whined.

"Just shut up and hold on to my back. I'm a champion swimmer I'll take you back to shore and blow up your water wings again. God, Tobi you need to listen! When we tell you not to go out past your knees……we mean it! You know what, I should send you to the kiddie pool!" Kisame scolded.

"No! No! No! Kisame please! I want to swim with you!" Tboi pleaded.

"Tobi! You can't even swim properly why the hell do you think we made you put on the water wings and the Strawberry Shortcake inner tube!?" This was already turning into an eventful day….


	9. Chapter 9 Beach Umbrella

"I'm starting to think we brought too much stuff." Kakuzu said as he Zetsu, Hidan and Sasori stumbled across the sand with their hands full of crap.

"No, no you can never get too much stuff." Hidan told him.

"Oh it figures you would say that, what with bringing all your religious shit." Kakuzu had just started a fight.

"Oh you take that back! You stupid good for nothing money hording bastard!" Hidan shouted through the large pile of beach accessories.

"I will not take that back because you know it's true! You know you always cloud the picture with your religious shit!" Kakuzu said.

"No I don't! God! At least I am religious! You on the other hand are just an uneducated ass!" Hidan yelled.

"What the hell Hidan! Education and religion aren't even related. God, research what you are talking about before you speak!" Kakuzu getting angrier by the minute.

"Oh yeah, well…..aaaaaggggghhh!" Hidan was now spilling into the sand along with everything in his arms. Kakuzu sighed.

"You moron! You tripped on a crab!" Kakuzu said as a crab went scurrying off in the other direction. The giant yellow beach tote spilled everywhere.

"Hey are you okay?" a brunette with a sandwich in her had asked coming over to Hidan.

"He's fine. He was just doing what he does best….fighting with that guy and ruining my reputation as a human being….oh wait I'm not even completely human, god I am so screwed as a man." Sasori mumbled the last part to himself. The woman laughed.

"I'm Lola. Nice to meet you."

"I'm Sasori. I would shake your hand but I'm holding our cooler full of beer and a wad of beach towels. We're trying to find am umbrella to park under, but the situation looks bleak." Sasori said.

"Oh, well you guys could share with me. It's just me and a co-worker of mine. We're here on business. We really wouldn't mind." Sasori blinked several times. Hidan was right.

"Um…..okay. Oh, but just so you know we're part if a super evil criminal organization so if you think my plant friend and my shark friend look a little sinister….that's why."

"Super evil criminal organization?" The woman questioned.

"Oh, it's not like that. I mean our greatest crime is….." Sasori had to think fast. He snapped his fingers. "Crimes against fashion! I mean look at us we don't fit in on Miami Beach!" she laughed again.

"Well, follow me." So Lola led Sasori, Hidan, Kakuzu and Zetsu through a crowd of people toward her and a friends umbrella. "Wow, you guys sure have a lot of stuff." Lola commented as Zetsu continuously tripped over sun bathers.

"We like to be prepared." Hidan said, now that he had completely rearranged all the stuff he had dropped earlier.

"You know. I had no clue that this beach would be so ridiculously crowded! And god, everyone here is so much prettier than us!" Kakuzu said. "Sorry! Sorry! I didn't mean to do that!" he quickly said to two women. He had stepped in their pudding snacks.

"This beach is definitely crowded and lined with beautiful people." Lola said spitefully. "Here we go. This is my friend Karen. Karen these are some guys who need a place to camp out on the beach."

"Hi guys!" she said cheerfully. Hidan and Sasori began dropping their arm loads of junk all around.

"Okay, who needs a beach towel? There's this Corona beach towel, tropical flower beach towel, plain navy blue beach towel…." Sasori paused a moment. "A Dolce and Gabbana beach towel, damn you Deidara." He muttered to himself. " A striped beach towel we took from the leader's beach house last year, and a……..my little pony beach……towel. My little pony what the fuck?" After the distribution of towels Zetsu caught sight of Kisame. Kisame waved to them and hurried over to the umbrella.

"Oh god…..stupid Tobi! Stupid, stupid Tobi!" Kisame said frustrated. "Oh and I don't know who you ladies are but hey! Get this, first Tobi starts drifting out to sea because his swimming skills suck ass! Then I take him to the kiddie pool where he starts flailing like crazy because he still thinks he's in the ocean where he pretty much soaks everyone around him! Then I pull him out of the kiddie pool, blow up his Finding Nemo water wings and threw him in the normally sized pool." Kisame sighed and sat down under the umbrella.

"So…….where is he now?" Sasori asked.

"Hell, I don't know. After he started spinning around in the pool with that damn Strawberry Shortcake inner tube laughing like an idiot. I swiped this towel and left him." Kisame answered.

"Hmmmm sounds like he's happy, seriously." Hidan replied.

"Hey, Sasori would you care to rub this sun block on the backs of my shoulders so I can lay out in the sun a little bit. I have really sensitive shoulders." Sasori blinked a couple of times and looked dumbfounded at Lola.

"You…..want…….ME…..to put……THIS…….on…..YOU." Sasori asked skeptically.

"Yeah!" she sad affirmatively, smiling all over.

"Yeah, okay." Sasori said thrilled. And so Lola laid down for Sasori to prepare her for a sun bath. Of course he wasn't expecting her to untie the top of her swim suit so he could get the base of her neck.

It had turned out to be a splendid afternoon, no one got electrocuted on the radio cord. Hidan and Zetsu had a great fresbee game going on with 3 others guys who were presumed to be gay on the beach. Kisame had swam 37 laps in the ocean. Kakuzu had somehow pulled a metal detector out of their beach tote and now he was searching to anything metal on the beach, and Sasori was involved in the most delightful conversation with Lola. Karen had left to go to the pool's swim up bar.

"Hey you know, I'm going to a wine and cheese tasting at 1:00 today. You should come with me." Sasori said to Lola.

"Really? I'd love to come. Let's see it's 11:00 right now. I'll go get dressed at 11:45 and then meet you where?" Lola asked.

"Hmmmm…well I'm in the third condo unit so just wait in the parking lot and I'll meet you there." Sasori told her. This was truly one of the top 10 days of Sasori's life, days were good when Itachi and Deidara weren't involved. Speaking of them……had they maxed every credit card they owned yet?


	10. Chapter 10 Shopping Spree

"Oh my god…….oh…..my…….god." Sasori had opened the door to the condo. He, Zetsu and Kakuzu had come back to the condo while Hidan and Kisame stayed behind to keep Tobi from doing anything stupid. What they had walked into was a living room full of shopping bags. Shopping bags everywhere…..EVERYWHERE.

"Hey Sasori! Oh my god! We got so many like totally great deals today, yeah!" Dana said coming into the living room to gather up some of the bags.

"How much did you all spend today?" Sasori asked stepping around the bags.

"Oh not too much, yeah."

"Dana! Dana…..how much is not too much?" Sasori continued finally making it through the sea of bags. Of course, it wasn't Sasori's money so he shouldn't' have been so concerned. Of course Itachi and Deidara were ruining the Akatsuki credit history maxing out cards all the time. Somehow those cards always managed to get paid off after they were maxed. Dana bit her lower lip.

"Seven thousand dollars, yeah." Dana said softly. Sasori nearly collapsed in the kitchen.

"But oh, Sasori! You should see Itachi's new ultra sexy black pants, yeah." Dana tried to convince him.

"He has 4 pair of black pants!" Sasori said quickly pouring a shot of Jose Cuervo Tequila.

"Oh, but these are THE pants, yeah. They are just so….Oh! I'll have him put them on, yeah!" Dana was getting ready to run off when Deidara appeared fresh out of the shower wrapped only in a towel.

"Hey guys! Oh my god, we ate at the best café today, yeah. I mean beautiful ocean view, very progressive menu, comparable to some of the Beverly Hills café's, yeah!" Deidara chirped. Sasori didn't say anything for a moment. Kakuzu and Hidan had waded through all the purchases and made it to the couch.

"Okay, first off Deidara, haven't we talked about how you walking around in a towel makes my self esteem plummet. Secondly…..you had your hand half-way up Marisol's skirt all through lunch didn't you?" Sasori glared.

"Hell yeah I did. Now! I have to go finish getting dressed because we're leaving for Caliente in a few hours, yeah! Deidara said.

"You need a few HOURS to get dressed?" Kakuzu asked.

"Hello!? I have to organize my layers of clothes because that club will be hot, yeah. And Dana and Marisol have to get dressed and I've never seen Marisol's dress before…..I CAN'T WAIT!" Deidara scurried off.

"Alright, I'm changing to go to the wine tasting." Sasori said disgruntled. However, before Sasori could slip away to change his clothes for the afternoon events his cell phone rang. He waded through all the new purchases one more to get his phone off the kitchen counter. "Hello?" he answered it. He was surprised. "Sasuke? Is that you? Yeah….hold on. Itachi, phone." Itachi came out of the master bedroom wearing only Ralph Lauren boxers and his hair covered in something….salon scented.. Sasori decided it best to ask no questions.

"The phone is for me?" Itachi asked puzzled.

"Yeah." Sasori answered.

"Hello?" Itachi answered.

"Itachi, Itachi it's me Sasuke."

"Oh my god! What the hell do you want? I'm very busy right now." He said.

"How can you be busy at the beach? It's a vacation." Sasuke asked.

"I'm applying an all over recovery mask and root treatment to my hair to combat ocean drying and split ends…..what the fuck do you want!?" Itachi had things to do obviously.

"Okay, okay listen. You've got to help me please. Orochimaru and Kabuto have been battling it out at Dance Dance Revolution for 48 hours straight. God, Itachi! I can't take it anymore! I can't take their lame ass insults and Orochimau throwing his back out every time he tries to dip it low! I'm so sick of the Barbie Girl by Aqua remix! I can't stand this hell I'm living in anymore! Please, please Itachi I will do anything if you will just pick my up at the airport, I will fly down there! Oh good god, now they've switched to Cascada's 'Bad Boy'. Itachi…….I'm begging you here."

"You listen to me and you listen close. There is 397 dollars in our apartment in my bedroom in the center night stand drawer. Don't touch it! Underneath that money there is a blank check, take it and make it out to what the fuck ever airline you'll be on. Pack your shit and me and Deidara will pick you up at the airport. Oh and Sasuke……there are some rules. Rule number one, don't bring that sorry ass purple belt that you wear rule number two….I'm here with my girlfriend…..don't make me fill in the rest of that. Now, call Sasori's cell phone and let us know what time your flight is due in."

"Oh my god! Thanks Itachi. You have no idea how much….." Itachi cut him off.

"Okay, okay, okay, I'm going out to a club tonight so just shut up get ready and call when your flight is due in." Itachi hung up the phone, rolled his eyes and returned to the master bedroom to work on his hair treatment.

It didn't take Sasori long to change. "Bye guys, I'm going to meet Lola for the wine and cheese tasting." But before Sasori could leave Deidara came rushing into the living room, hair straitening cream all over his hands.

"Oh my god! Did you like so meet a girl, yeah? Is she close to your age or is she one of those ….hold on…..grand prize girls, yeah?" Sasori looked at Deidara ready to hit him in the face.

"Okay, first, it's called a trophy girl secondly I don't know how old she is, I never asked. Sasori didn't give him a chance to say anything else, he just slammed the door behind him.

"Hey are you all going to leave all of your new purchases in this living room? My god if Tobi come in here you know he'll crumple the bags. Zetsu said. Marisol came into the living room and started carefully gathering bags up.

"Oh my god Zetsu! You should so see the totally adorable Gucci shoes I bought today!" Marisol said taking a handful of bags out of the living room. She soon pranced back from the bedroom to get more bags. "And check this out! This top was totally on sale!" Marisol nearly sqeaked. Zetsu and Kakuzu looked at her top and managed to catch sight of the price tag.

"Um….Marisol? Is 113 dollars really a sale?" Kakuzu the financial wizard asked.

"Oh! You bet it is, this top retails for 495 dollars! I mean it's Versace shirt come on!" Marisol was so excited. "Well I'd love to tell you about more of our deals but I need to get in the shower while finishes up with that flat iron." Marisol ran off again.

"Hey, how do you think Kisame and Hidan are doing? And do you think Sasori will come back form the wine and cheese tasting drunk?" Zetsu asked.


	11. Chapter 11 Sasori's Date

"Okay, Hidan on the count of three we pull this dumb ass out of the filter, take him back to the condo and lecture him about why you aren't supposed to swim into pool filters!" Kisame said more than pissed.

"I thought it looked fun!" Tobi whined as he splashed water everywhere.

"Shut the fuck up Tobi!" Kisame yelled at him. An overbearing, overweight mother of an annoying toddler scolded Kisame for the fowl language….he cussed her out.

"1….2….3….PULL!" And Hidan, Kisame and Tobi went flying backwards into a palm tree. It was now time to drag him back up to the condo.

"And so last summer I was in Boston leading a women's march for breast cancer research, it was really a great event. I'll be done with me PhD from Rutgers Uiversity in European trade and commerce next winter. And when I'm less busy at work I'm a part time art gallery curator, but that's slipped by the wayside lately. I miss that." Sasori looked at Lola in amazement this was indeed the woman of his dreams. She had it all, she was beautiful, 37 years old, cultured, educated, successful, and articulate….pretty much everything Sasori was. "Wow, Sasori this Merlot is brilliant what do you think of it?" she asked.

"It's indeed a very tasty wine, well aged, nice bitter flavor. You know what, this wine would compliment fish or even pasta. How about we get a bottle and order some take out later and have dinner on the beach. And please know, I'm not trying to get any, I just think it would be nice. I've always wanted to have dinner on the beach." Sasori said. Lola was left speechless.

"Oh my god. No one has ever…I mean….yeah I'd love to do that. You know, I have a big blanket we could take with us to set everything on." Lola said. "Although I will need to change clothes for this, you know something after hours beach classy."

"Okay, well I have wine goblets in our condo." And so they made plans as the next wine and cheese sample was presented. "Oh wow, I always have smoked cheeses."

"Me too." Lola said placing a slice of smoked Gouda cheese onto a saltine for Sasori. "Oh and look, we get a desert wine this time. It appears to be raspberry." Lola said. Sasori poured her a sip of the wine.

"Oh Lola, this cheese is amazing. I'd love to have part of a wheel of this to take back." Lola tasted the cheese.

"It is delicious. You know we could split a wheel if you want to since the wheels are huge." Lola suggested. It seemed as they were having a lovely time.

"You know, I've wondered ever since Sasori mentioned this……what's with Deidara and the ballroom dancing thing?" Kakuzu asked counting pennies on the coffee table.

"Well, the story begins with Deidara's dad……you know how fathers and sons will do male bonding stuff. Go to baseball games, take a road trip, work on cars." Zetsu said.

"Yeah, me and my dad went to a strip club." Kakuzu said.

"O…..k……or that. Well anyway, when Deidara turned 19 he and his Dad spent a 2 weeks in Europe, one in his dad's home town of Milano, Italy and another week in Madrid, Spain hanging out with Manolo Blahnik and taking Latin ballroom dance lessons. So now both Deidara and his dad can salsa, meringue, conga, tango, rumba, cha cha and mambo like crazy. And Deidara is pretty damn good." Zetsu said.

"Manolo Blahnik? The shoe guy?" Kakuzu questioned.

"That's the one." Zetsu answered.

"Well that's definitely different." Kakuzu said. Just then Kisame, Hidan and Tobi appeared in the doorway.

"Where have you all been?" Zetsu asked.

"Oh we've been pulling Tobi out of the pool filter, seriously." Hidan answered.

"Tobi go take a shower and get those water wings off! You're all sunburned!" Kisame yelled at him.

"Hey guys! Don't mind me. I'm just going to do my hair and makeup right here because Dana is coming out here and we like so need room for me to work on her hair." Marisol said. The situation would have been a little better had she not only been wearing her pink bra and green and pink striped Victoria's Secret. "Oh my god! Get this, there is a Victoria's Secret three blocks down…Dana and I spent like close to a thousand dollars in there! You know, Deidara really likes me in pink. Everything he picks out for me is pink!" Marisol had to be one the happiest girls in the entire universe…..no one typically got excited over spending a thousand dollars.

"Hey, has my idiotic brother called here yet?" Itachi asked digging through a bag looking for some protective hair serum to prevent burning while using a flat iron.

"Nope no call yet." Kakuzu said.

"I bet that stupid ass didn't even know how to book a same day flight…he'll probably be here tomorrow." Itachi said rolling his eyes.

"Itachi, which one, yeah." Dana said holding up two designer dresses. Itachi just stopped and stared for a moment.

"But…..Dana…..they're both hot as hell……it's so hard to decide." Itachi was nervous.

"Okay, but which one would you rather feel me up in, yeah?" Dana just had to know.

"Oh god, Dana….honey I'd feel you up in both of those. They are both so perfect! Oh shit….um…..the one with the halter style neck." Itachi finally decided.

"Great! I can wear my Dior shoes with this one, yeah!" Dana was thrilled.

"God it must be awful to be Itachi." Kisame said sarcastically. Sasori had just come back from his wine and cheese tasting.

"Hey where's Marisol I uh……I'd like for her to work on my hair."

"She's getting ready for that Latin place…why do you need hair work." Zetsu asked suspiciously.

"Because I'm having dinner on the beach tonight with Lola."

"You are so going to get laid." Hidan said.

"Shut the hell up Where is she?" He didn't have to wonder any longer. Marisol appeared again with what appeared to be her ballroom shoes and a lovely artificial flower that she was planning on pinning in her swept up bun. She already had rhinestone wrapped around the base of it.

"Hey listen uh….Marisol do you have time to help me with my hair. I'm having dinner tonight with a true lady and I want to look nice. I mean….I never do anything with my hair." Sasori was truly distraught over this.

"Sasori, I always have time to help others with their hair. Let me get Dana's large barrel curlers in and I'll work on you, it wont' take long." Now Dana was in the kitchen stripped down nearly to her underwear just like Marisol.

"Hey everyone else has plans, what are our plans tonight? Kisame asked Zetsu, Hidan, Kakuzu and Tobi.

"Oh great idea here! Let's get a pizza and we'll throw some beer in the cooler and let's take it down to the beach. We can have a bonfire and everything, really." Hidan said.

"That is a great idea! We won't be anywhere near Sasori and that Lola and we can just chill down there." Kisame said. And so it was settled. Kisame, Hidan, Zetsu and Tobi would head down for an evening on the beach. Itachi, Dana, Deidara, and Marisol would go to Caliente the mega trendy Latin ballroom club and Sasori and Lola would have a most lovely ocean front dinner. The night was starting to heat up in Miami.


	12. Chapter 12 Wild Nights

"Oh my god, you look like something straight out of Havana." Itachi said as he stared mouth agape at Deidara completely suited up in his Latin ballroom attire complete with the Cuban hat. "And at the risk of sounding gay….I would want your ass if I were gay." Of course Dana and Itachi looked gorgeous even though nether of them knew a single thing about ballroom. "I still don't understand why we can't go to the club were your girl grinding her ass into your groin counts as quality dance moves." Itachi said.

"Because! We are so going there tomorrow and Marisol and I have waited for so long to…." Deidara didn't say another word.

"Oh my god! I like so knew he would have the biggest hard on of his life once he saw her in that Latin dress, yeah!" Dana said holding on to Itachi's arm.

"Holy shit…..Marisol….that so does NOT look like your practice dress, yeah." Deidara said.

"Ah, nino, es más hermoso y más fácil de quitar!" Marisol laughed and swept him out the door with her.

"Did she just fucking speak Spanish? Kisame asked preparing their cooler for the beach."

"Yep, she sure did. She just told my brother that her dress is more beautiful and easier to take off than her practice dress, yeah." Dana said. "I thought you knew Marisol spoke Spanish? Hello! Her last name is Chavez and she was born in Barcelona. When she speaks Spanish to my brother….well never mind, yeah. We're leaving. Have fun tonight!" And so the four of them left. Sasori was already on his beach pasta dinner date when his phone rang.

"Sorry Lola, I should take this."

"It's okay."

"Hello? Oh hey Sasuke. Alright I'll tell him, Bye." Sasori then called the condo. Hidan answered. "Hey, write down somewhere that Sauke's plane is landing here in Miami at 1:30 tomorrow." He knew Hidan would take care of the message.

"That was one of my friend's little brother. He's joining us tomorrow." Sasori explained.

"Oh that must be nice. It's always great when brothers can bond." Lola said watching Sasori cork their wine.

"Actually, I'm dreading his arrival; he gets so dramatic and crazy when he gets with his brother. I mean these two never ever get along and one is just as bad as…you know tonight is about you and I and not my retarded friends. Oh and Lola, you look absolutely amazing." Sasori said. Lola smiled.

"Thank you, you know this was a fabulous idea. I hope you like fettuccini, I got a dinner special for 2 and it included fettuccini." Lola said.

"It's just perfect." Sasori smiled. He realized right now he was truly happy the woman was the pinnacle of sophistication. It must have been how her long auburn waves of hair blew in the ocean breeze or maybe how her green eyes danced in the setting sun, whatever it was Sasori knew this woman was one of a kind.

"Come on Tobi! Put the stupid plastic shovel away and dig us a hold for the bonfire like a real man!" Zetsu said.

"Dude, if we let him dig the hole, we'll never have a bonfire tonight! Come on, let's help him, really." Hidan said. "Kakuzu will be back with our pizza and we want to be ready for him." So Tobi was alleviated from duty and Kisame, Zetsu and Hidan started digging the hole. Of course, Tobi hadn't completely thought through where he was stading.

"Aaaaaggghhhh! Aaaaaaagggghhhhhh! Sand! Sand! I'm covered with sand!" Tobi screamed.

"Then stop screaming and move away from where we're digging!" Kisame yelled at him. Kisame had tolerated Tobi long enough and he was fed up with his stupidity. Twenty minutes later the hole for the bonfire was ready and it was ready for the wood and the lighter fluid. The lesson had been learned last year about the whole lighter fluid and how much to use when starting a fire. Fortunately, a very responsible Zetsu was in charge of starting the fire and within minutes a glorious blaze was in the hole. It was going to be a great night of male bonding. Soon Kakuzu appeared.

"Guys! Get this! I had to wait extra time on the pizza so I got 3 free two liters, 2 orders of cheesy bread sticks with sauce, a free pizza, and this load of napkins!" Kakuzu said delighted putting everything down beside the fire. Hidan started passing beers around the circle and of course a Capri Sun for Tobi. They were settled in for the evening.

"God, your hair is so incredibly hot and you know what baby, I am a total asshole because I was so busy being completely jealous of your brother's totally sweet suit that I never told you how incredibly gorgeous you look. I mean honey, you're amazing." Itachi told Dana as they sat in the totally trendy Latin club. Dana smiled.

"Aw, it's okay baby. I never told you I could just jump on your lap at any given moment, yeah." Dana laughed as she sipped on a margarita.

"Dana honey, you do that whenever you want." Itachi laid lusty eyes on her. The Latin club stage band announcer came over the mike. "Amigos! It's time for the Samba."

"Aaaagggh! The Samba" Deidara and Marisol nearly screamed in unison. Deidara grabbed a hold of her and the Samba began. Four other very Latin men had already tried to get a hold of Marisol but she rejected every one of them and Deidara absolutely loved bathing in Marisol's attention. And she loved Deidara being so protective of her.

"Itachi, I wish you would take ballroom with me. We could so be out there doing that, yeah." Dana said.

"I'm sorry sweetie. I'm just……god I'd step all over you. You know I'm better at the bump and grind." Itachi said.

"Yeah you are, but god look at them, yeah! Look at my baby brother and Marisol they have perfect ballroom chemistry, yeah." Dana said leaning on Itachi's shoulder.

"Are you sure that's not the chemistry of Marisol's hips directly in line with Deidara's groin?" Itachi said asking the waiter for another cranberry martini.

"Oh my god, Itachi! Wait until they do the tango, yeah. It's like……an orgasm on the dance floor, yeah."

"Baby, if that's the case we need to learn to do that." Itachi said. "But you know what, we will own their asses tomorrow! They have all this sensual well choreographed dance tonight…well tomorrow, it's about me and your ass tomorrow Dana!" Itachi proclaimed. Dana laughed. The more she drank the more she worked her way over to Itachi's lap.


	13. Chapter 13 The Coconuts and Pottery Barn

Well, Akatsuki had survived the first day of their trip. It was now 9:00 in the morning. Sasori was just coming in the front door. Dana was already awake, sitting on the couch in her bikini waiting for Dana to come out of the bedroom. She was all smiling….that made Sasori nervous.

"Hey Sasori! Like where have you so been? Oh! Did you sleep with that….hot piece of ass!?" She asked getting her beach tote ready. Sasori shook his head, Marisol was innocent she couldn't help it she was so dumb.

"Marisol." Was all he said. Sasori smiled at her and went straight to his bedroom he was sharing with Kisame. Marisol blinked at least 30 times.

"What kind of answer is that?" she asked out loud. Dana finally emerged.

"Oh my goooooooooooood! Dana! I love that swimsuit!" Marisol nearly shouted jumping up from the couch with her beach tote completely JAMMED full of stuff.

"Thanks! Norstrom catalog, swimwear section Juicy Courture, yeah!" Marisol looked at Dana with gigantic blue eyes.

"I have to tell you something." She said.

"Oh my god, is this swimsuit like on sale this week, yeah? Because if it is…" Marisol cut her office and started whispering in Dana's ear. Dana's blue eyes were as huge as Marisol's.

"I knew it, yeah!" there was a long pause….and then….the screaming…..so much screaming. Deidara ran into the living room with his two favorite girls and started screaming with them

"Oh my goooooood! Why are we screaming, yeah!" he asked. Dana whispered something in Deidara's ear. Deidara didn't say anything at first and it was strange, this time no one seemed bothered by all the screaming. Usually that set someone off like hell.

"Oh, I already knew that. I was there, yeah." Deidara said.

"I just knew you were going to tell her you loved her on this trip, yeah! Of course….you've loved her for like….god 4 years, yeah. Anyway, YAY!" Dana was beside herself.

"Dana, do we have and tan accelerator in that bag?" Itachi asked flipping hair around before they left.

"We sure do, yeah." Dana answered. Good I need to accelerrate it before Deidara and me go get my stupid brother at the airport today. I will totally whomp his non tan ass in the 'who's tanner' contest.

"Oh my god! There's a contest, yeah?" Deidara asked grabbing Marisol by the hand as they all headed for the pool.

"No dumbass, now come on Dana looks gorgeous and I want to watch her from behind as she walks down the stairs. We need to go get the good seats by the pool." Itachi said. It didn't take long to get to the condo's ultra hip pool side retreat.

"Oh my god! Look at all those pasty white overweight tourists, they are like so not going to get tan with a box of donuts on their stomachs." Marisol said. "And, they have the good chairs."

"I have an idea." Leave it to Itachi to have all the ingenious ideas.

"Um, excuse me. Me and my friends here need these chairs. I heard there's a…." Itachi stopped and looked around for a moment trying to think of a way to convince these tourists to leave. "An all you can eat, make-your-own omelet bar in the lobby of the hotel next door!" And as stupid as this plan sounded….it worked. "Okay get over here." Marisol plopped her giant beach bag on the ground and passed out all the towels.

"Dana, your swimsuit….looks great." Itachi told her.

"Aww, thanks baby. Okay untie the back of me when I lay down, yeah." She said happily."

"Oh my god! Who wants a magazine!? I have Vogue, In Style, Cosmo, Allure, Elle, Glamour, Marie Claire and….Better Homes and Gardens? That's like…an old lady magazine." Marisol said.

"Oh! Give me the Cosmo! Deidara insisted."

"Sweet! I'll take the Allure Marisol, there's an article in this month's issue on nail enamel…I'm thinking a new color for Akatsuki." Itachi insisted.

"Hey Marisol! Before you lie down spread that tan accelerator on my back, yeah." Dana said.

"Okay!" Marisol started doing this but all hell was about to break loose because two guys on the other side of the pool thought Marisol had the greatest body in the universe….and they made it very clear.

"Oh my gooooooooooooooood! Those losers on the other side of the pool just said they would love to hit that, yeah……and they were talking about her! Oh my gooooooooooooood! Wait…." Deidara cut himself off and narrowed his eyes at the high-fiving losers across the pool. Approximately 4 seconds later, 5 coconuts knocked both of them out cold. Deidara bit his lower lip.

"Dude, you sent one of your birds into that coconut tree didn't you?" Itachi asked.

"I sure as hell did, yeah. No one looks at the girl I love in an impure manner and says 'hey I'd love to hit that', yeah." Deidara said flipping the pages. Marisol kissed him before basking in the glory of the Miami sun. How touching….

"Man! I feel like you and I are just new best friends." Zetsu said to Hidan.

"I know! I seriously had no idea you and I could possibly connect like that! Hidan told him.

"You know you and I….we should talk like that more often. I know now that I can lean on you man!" Zetsu said.

"Hey, always here for you, always here." Hidan reassured him.

"What's with Sasori? I heard Marisol talking to him and then he just went to bed?" Kisame asked joining everyone else in the room.

"The way I see it, he's either in love or he slept with that chick last night." Kakuzu said. "Hey! And what's with this replacing me with Zetsu!" he yelled at Hidan.

"Kakusu you and I….we don't connect…we just fight. Now me and Zetsu….we're right there." Hidan said. Zetsu agreed completely.

"Hey someone go knock on Sasori's door and drag his ass out here. I really want to go to Pottery Barn and get something for the leader since the dumbasses got the leader's wife's thong yesterday." Kisame said.

"There's a Pottery Barn in Miami? That seems so out of character, I always thought of Pottery Barn as being very…Midwest." Hidan said.

"Dude, are coming to Pottery Barn with us? Sasori?" Finally, Sasori's door cracked open slightly. "Go on without me….I have plans today." That was all he said and he shut the door.

"Okaaaaaaay, Sasori's acting weird. Come on let's go, he's not going. Kakuzu do you have the credit card?" Zetsu asked.

"Got it!" Kakuzu held the card up. It was probably going to be an adventure fighting traffic in downtown Miami. At least Itachi wasn't driving….


	14. Chapter 14 Wicker Patio Furniture

"Do you think we're tan enough? Itachi asked looking at his watch. It was 12:15 and he and Deidara would have to leave soon to pick up Sasuke.

"Well, I think I'm looking pretty tan, yeah." Deidara said sitting up in the reclining pool chair.

"Hey! When you two go to get Sasuke Marisol and I are going to take a walk on the beach." Dana said happily.

"Marisol, you be careful out there. There's probably at least 100 prying eyes that will be all over you, yeah." Deidara warned.

"I'll be careful, baby."Marisol reassured him. Itachi and Deidara put their stuff in the giant beach tote and kissed the girls goodbye, it was time to change to go to the airport. Once they returned to the condo there were two notes on the counter:

'Went to Pottery Barn-Be back by 3:00' and the other note…

'At Museum with Lola-Be back sometime'

"Oh! I want to write a note too, yeah!" Deidara said with blue eyes shining. Itachi rolled his eyes.

"Fine but hurry up so we can get a cab to the airport, the traffic is going to be a bitch." And so Deidara started his note of course Itachi had to yell at him three more times before he would got to get changed, but finally his note read:

'Went to airport to pick up Sasuke, yeah. Then we're coming back to unpack him somewhere in this condo and then we'll probably go back to the beach to find Marisol and Dana and after that we're going to need to start getting ready for…okay never mind because Itachi is yelling at me to get changed because we have to leave now' –Deidara

"Hey Itachi! Do you think I should wear the.." Deidara was cut off.

"I don't care! Itachi yelled.

"Well, do you think I should wear the…." He was cut off again.

"Don't care! Come on it's time to go!" Itachi yelled again. And finally they were on their way to the airport.

" Wow! Can you believe it! The leader has been looking for one of these 'welcome to our home' lawn ornaments for at least 2 years!" Kisame said filling up their pottery barn cart. They had so much useless crap in the cart. Tobi INSISTED on getting the ceramic koi fish, Zetsu had found half priced table cloths and tiki torches, Hidan and Kakuzu were currently arguing over what was truly the 'perfect' patio furniture. Not that there was ANY room in the van for a set of patio furniture. However, much to everyone's dismay their argument has escalated to the point where Hidan was so pissed that he was currently picking out pieces of wicker patio furniture just to prove to Kakuzu that wicker was the perfect interior and exterior choice for patio décor.

"Oh shit, he's going for the umbrella." Kisame said to Zetsu.

"Hey look at it this way. Let him do the furniture thing and if we have to haul it all back home just to settle their arguing we'll turn around and sell it all on eBay." Zetsu reassured him. It seemed like a good idea so they left them alone and headed for the bedding. Tobi had gotten completely sidetracked in the dishes and house wares section.

"You know, it's been at least 3 years since I've done anything with my bedding at home. Deidara and Itachi always have new good looking bedding." Zetsu said.

"Dude, that's because they use their bed as more of a…..fashion statement and….a peaceful retreat if you want to call it that." Kisame said.

"Yeah, but I just want something nicer, I don't need to have the absolute entire Kenneth Cole Home collection." It seemed that this would turn into a long day. Especially now that Hidan was busy choosing cushions for the wicker patio furniture all the while screaming at Kakuzu.

"And so when I visited Venice I spent the day admiring all the architecture. It's one of the most beautiful places in the world! Then I took a gondola ride after dark and it was just so peaceful." Lola said. Sasori just stared at her happily.

"You know I have never been to Venice. I've always thought a trip to Europe would be so….romantic you know, but there's no way in hell I could go with my friend's." Lola laughed.

"Why not?"

"Because my friends are complete idiots…well most of them. They would destroy my Europe buzz." Lola smiled dreamily.

"You could always get away from them sometime if they bother you that much." Sasori stared at her as they sat at this Oceanside café, he wondered if she were serious about that comment. No one said anything for a moment. Finally Sasori broke the silence.

"Hey, have I told you about the time my dumb blonde friend got his hair caught in a salad shooter at a yard sale we had once?" Lola laughed.

"Oh my god! Oh my god….that's too funny, please tell me!" She reached out and took hold of Sasori's hand.

"Oh my goooooooooooooooooooood! You stupid fuckers! Get the fuck out of the valet lane!!!!!!!!!!!" Itachi laid on the horn.

"Um, Itachi I'm not saying I'm right or anything but maybe if you wouldn't yell so much we'd get parked sooner, yeah." Deidar said nervously.

"Deidara, you are nothing but a fucking pussy. Shut the hell up you can barely drive. Now MOVE BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Itachi laid on the horn again. 35 minutes later they had finally turned the keys over to the valet. It was time to go find Sasuke. Both of them were getting ready to take off through the airport and find the gate but Itachi stopped in his tracks.

"Wait, there are people in this airport, it's a crowded place. We should use this opportunity to practice out walk."

"What walk, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"You know, our runway walk." Itachi said.

"Oooooooh our runway walk, yeah we should practice that." And so they took off through the airport in high fashion and the perfect step. After about 10 minutes of being beautiful they found the gate and sat down to wait for the planes arrival.

"Hey, I'm Chanise." Some girl had introduced herself to Itachi.

"I know what you're up to and believe me the girl I sleep with is like 100 times better looking than you." Needless to say that moment was over fast. "Hey, which is bigger 2 carats or 4 carats?" Itachi asked Deidara.

"What? Itachi, carrots are the same size, well unless they are those cute little salad carrots that you can eat with dill dip, yeah. It would depend on the number or carrots and 4 carrots are more than 2, yeah."

"No dumb ass, I mean like…diamonds…how many carats are bigger?

"Oh, those carats. Well, four is bigger."

"Okay, that's what I thought. Hey there's my stupid brother. Oh my god would you look at what he's wearing? A turtle neck!? This is fucking Miami! Come on let's go get his baggage."


	15. Chapter 15 CRAVE

It had taken another 3 hours to return to the condo because of all the Miami traffic. Natrually Itachi screamed at every single car that cut him off but they had made it back alive. When they arrived at the condo, there was Marisol and Dana….in the kitchen…

"Oh my god! Look what we made! Pudding and ham and cheese sandwiches, yeah!" Dana said holding up their creations.

"Dana stirred the pudding and I measured the milk! Oh! And I pulled these slices of cheese apart!" Marisol said.

"Oh my god! You two are like….chefs or something, yeah." The sad thing is Deidara was completely serious.

"Oh hey Sasuke. Why is he wearing a turtle neck, yeah?" Dana wondered.

"I'm going to fix that right now." Itachi said glaring at him. Sasuke put his only bag down in the living room and followed Itachi.

"Wow, this place is really nice." He said examining the condo.

"I know, come on I think I have a decent shirt for you." Itachi pulled Sasuke away into the master bedroom to start going through the closet.

"Deidara! What are you wearing to CRAVE tonight, we have to start getting dressed soon." However Deidara couldn't answer that question because at that moment Sasori and Lola came through the door.

"Oh….you all are here…..uh…..hi." Sasori said a little nervously holding on to Lola's hand a little tighter.

"Oh my god! Is that the girl! Wow you are like hotter than I expected, yeah. Hey! You want some homemade instant pudding? Marisol, quit letting Deidara lick the pudding off your fingers, yeah." Dana whispered that last part.

"Oh, right! Here you go!" Marisol presented the messy bowl of chocolate pudding before Lola.

"I warned you." Sasori whispered. She smiled at them.

"Uh, no thanks. Do you….always cook in that…..outfit?" Lola asked. She was looking at Marisol and Dana, They were wearing a bra and super short shorts.

"We don't really cook that much. Oh my god! Do you want a ham and cheese sandwich?" Marisol asked happily.

"You know, I think Lola and I will just go spend some time on the beach without the sandwiches." Sasori interjected.

"Well, we are leaving for CRAVE in two hours so we so need to get dressed, yeah." Dana said. "Marisol, we rock this kitchen now come on let's go rock the closet, yeah." Dana said pulling Marisol out of the kitchen.

"Sasuke! What the hell!? You can't go to CRAVE wearing that! Good god it's….a horrible Shakira World Tour T-shit and jeans. CHANGE!" Itachi demanded.

"Into what?" Sasuke asked. Itachi rolled his eyes.

"Come with me." Itachi had to fix this. After two hours of primping Dana and Marisol had emerged scantly clad and amazingly slutty….they looked perfect. Itachi and Deidara were close behind but Sasuke was lagging behind.

"Sasuke get out here! Me and Deidara look hot our girls look hotter and you are still not out here…GET OUT HERE!" A self conscious Sasuke emerged wearing a skin tight light blue shirt and black pants.

"Why is it tight?" he asked.

"Hello!? You can't just wear giant over-sized shirts into clubs! You have to be desirable!" Itachi insisted. Even though Sasuke didn't understand Itachi's logic, the five of them left for CRAVE.

Soon after they had left, Hidan and Kakuzu came through the door with wicker patio furniture followed by a load of other crap from Pottery Barn.

"Wow! The Leader is going to love this wicker!" Kakuzu said.

"How the hell are we supposed to get wicker home?" Kisame asked. Hidan rolled his eyes.

"I'll be honest. At the time I thought the wicker was a good idea. But now that we have 6 pieces of wicker furniture to haul back…I'm not so sure. Oh and did I mention the umbrella?" Hidan said. "Hey are you Lola?" hidan asked.

"Hi and yes I am Lola, nice to meet you." Lola said shaking Hidan's hand.

"Hey I'm going to cook tonight. Me and Lola are having dinner on the balcony. What are you guys doing?" Sasori asked helping position the gross wicker furniture around the living room. Tobi bopped through the door with 4 bags of crap from Potter Barn.

"Oh my god! How much Pottery Barn stuff did you get?"

"Too much." Zetsu said dryly. "You know I think me, Kisame and Hidan are going to that oceanfront bar across from the condo. They have four dollar martinis from 8-10:00.

"Sasori, what are you fixing tonight?" Kakuzu said.

" Lola and I went to that fish market that Marisol was talking about and got some Mahi Mahi filets. So, I'm going to fix Mahi Mahi with rice and a side of steamed vegetables." Sasori answered.

"Well, I'll take Tobi to Burger King. I'm sure there's one somewhere in Miami. We'll leave soon." Within two hours everyone had left Sasori and Lola alone.

"Sasori, your friends aren't that bad. They kind of cute, in a…stupid kind ofway."

"That's right Lola in a stupid sort of way." Sasori said opening up their fish filets to prepare searing them.

"Of course I do have to say, the girls are really dumb. I mean they seem sweet but…dumb."

"As much as I like both of them. And as sweet as both of them are…I shouldn't even say it. I'm sure you already understand." Sasori said. And he continued with dinner.

Meanwhile at CRAVE, Sasuke kept tugging on his shirt and Itachi kept yelling at him for tugging on it. Once they got inside however, Sasuke saw a sight he wasn't expecting.

"Oh my god! What are my Konoha friends doing here?" Itachi looked in eh direction Sasuke was pointing and sure enough there was Hyuuga Neji with a very drunk Tenten on his lap. And not far away a bored Naara Shikamaru was making sure that still yet a drunk Yamanaka Ino didn't do anything stupid.

"Oh god you're unfashionable little friends are here. Actually the Hyuuga kid doesn't look bad." Itachi said grabbing Dana by the arm so she wouldn't get lost in the crowd.

"Itachi! We're 16! We're not kids!"

"Sasuke! You're 16 you're a kid compared to me! Now go play with your friends, we're going to the bar.

"Oh my god Marisol! Ladies get free shots until 10, yeah! Come on!" Dana grabbed Marisol and yanked her through the crowd towards the bar. It was only a matter of time before everyone was too drunk to see straight.

"Hey Dana! We could get free shots for Itachi and Deidara, of course not until we get them first!" Marisol said.

"Oh my god! Deidara you and Marisol may be beautiful Latin dancers…but Dana and I are going to own this place tonight." Itachi warned.

"But Itachi, there is a big different in ballroom dancing and Dana grinding her ass into you, yeah." Deidara said.

"Uh, yeah! Exactly! That's why she and I are going to own this place! Who wouldn't want her ass grinding into them." Deidara thought a minute.

"Well, I wouldn't really, but that's because she's my sister and everything, yeah." The night was young, but Dana and Marisol were already on their third shot and Sasuke was attempting to socialize with his Konoha gang, the only problem is that because Neji was so drunk all he did was repeat himself….this was going to be a long night…


	16. Chapter 16 Tobi: Superman

It was 4:30 in the morning. Hidan, Kakuzu, Tobi, Kisame and Zetsu were passed out asleep. Sasori and Lola were lying on the living room couch in the solitude of the darkness….until the door of the condo came flying open. Dana was laughing so hard it looked like she was about to pee her pants.

"OH MY GOD! MARISOL I CAN'T BELIEVE WE WON THE GIRL ON GIRL DANCE CONTEST, YEAH!"Dana said loudly. Marisol was laughing just as hard as she was and the four of them fell into the living room. All the commotion had scared the hell out of Sasori.

"Those fucking pieces of…" Lola cut Sasori off.

"Sasori it's okay really. We'll just lie here until they go to bed."

"I know you're okay with the fact that my friends are total asses but it's just the fact that they are so retarded and noisy all the fucking time!" Sasori said through gritted teeth.

Itachi and Deidara nearly knocked the girls over when they stumbled in the door behind them. As for Sasuke, well he was drunk but it was more of a 'oh my god I drank too much and I really need to get to bed' drunk. He and Neji ended up doing tequila shots as if they had always been buddies, that was until Tenten climbed on Neji's lap and then Neji's attention went completely elsewhere.

"HEY! HEY! HEY DANA! DANA!" Marisol called to her very loudly but then she turned around too quickly and banged her head into a door frame. "OH!" she squealed. Dana laughed even harder

"OH MY GOD MARISOL! OOOOOH GOD YOU JUST……OH HELL I DON'T' KNOW WHAT YOU DID, YEAH!" Dana yelled through her laughter. They were on the verge of waking everyone else in the condo up.

"OH MY GOD! I CAN'T SEE! I'M LIKE….BLIND OR SOMETHING! OH WAIT….THAT'S JUST BECAUSE IT'S DARK, YEAH!" Deidara said feeling around for a light switch but instead he tripped on the chair in the kitchen, fell into Marisol and they both ended up in a pile on the floor.

"SASUKE! SHUT UP! DON'T PISS ME OFF! DANA AND I ARE GOING DOWN TO THE BEACH AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU!"

"Itachi…..I didn't say anything." Sasuke said sleepily.

"SHUT UP! I'M NOT TELLING YOU AGAIN."

"HEY! WHY ISN'T ANYONE AWAKE, YEAH?" Dana asked spinning around and throwing her arms around Itachi.

"DANA! HEY DANA! DANA WHERE ARE YOU!"

"I'M RIGHT HERE, YEAH." Dana said still just as loudly even though she was about ten inches from Marisol.

"IF YOU AND ITACHI GO TO THE BEACH GET FAR AWAY FROM THIS CONDO BECAUSE THERE ARE MEAN PEOPLE WHO GET PISSED IF YOU TRY TO HAVE SEX IN FRONT OF THEIR BEACH HOUSE!" Marisol always had words of wisdom at all the right times. After 20 minutes of Deidara and Marisol trying to stand up to get into their bedroom, the commotion was over. No one had noticed Sasori or Lola on the couch. Lola hugged Sasori close to her. It was a shame this Miami vacation would soon be ending….

The next morning Tobi was awake before anyone. Now, the one thing that everyone agreed on when Tobi joined Akatsuki is that he would ALWAYS be supervised in the kitchen. Well, here he was in the kitchen completely unsupervised digging through a box of Lucky Charms in order to find the prize inside. Of course, Sasuke had passed out in the kitchen from the night before and so little marshmallow bits kept falling all around him. Tobi was getting impatient and so he dumped the entire box of Lucky Charms onto the floor, most of it landed on Sasuke who slept right through it. Tobi squealed at the sight of the plastic blue and red Superman spoon that was perched on the top of the pile. Zetsu and Hidan were dressed and ready for their last day in Miami. However, they came into the living room only to find Sasori and Lola asleep on the couch and now the mess in the kitchen.

"It just can't happen we can never just wake up and have a nice pleasant morning where there are no boxes of cereal all over the floor, or Uchihas passed out in the kitchen." Zetsu said. Hidan shook his head.

"It was Sasori's turn to watch Tobi….Sasori isn't watching Tobi, seriously." Hidan said.

"God, Sasori is so responsible but of course he had to come down here to Miami and meet some woman. Well, Tobi has made a huge mess but he is pleasantly entertained with that spoon." Zetsu said.

"Um…Zetsu…is that a 'Girls Gone Wild College Edition Boxed Set' on our kitchen counter…..seriously?" Hidan asked.

"Yes, yes Hidan it is. And frankly….I don't want to know the story behind it. But my intelligence tells me that Dana and Marisol probably won that last night somehow. Come on let's go to that yoga class."

Sasuke, still asleep in the floor slowly opened his eyes. However, the world around him was somewhat blurry and he didn't notice Tobi eating a bowl of Lucky Charms with the Superman spoon. Sasuke immediately closed his eyes and went back to sleep on the kitchen tile. Twenty-seven minutes later a very sleepy Marisol emerged from the bedroom. Tobi had left the kitchen…but he also left his mess… Marisol didn't even notice it she just stared blankly until she noticed the condom that was sitting on the kitchen counter…the one Deidara was supposed to have used the night before….

"Hmmm…that's funny….this is still wrapped up…." Marisol said groggily. She paused for a long time. Finally, she gasped and her blue eyes shot wide open. However her reaction quickly died. "Oh….never mind…" Marisol yawned and looked at the clock. "Ten minutes….I take my pill in ten minutes…" she said to no one in particular. And equally exhausted Deidara appeared behind her.

"Marisol, do you have any headache medicine, yeah?"

"No….but I have a hug." She said.

"Awwwwww!" Deidara wrapped his arms around her.

"Hey…why is Sasuke covered in Lucky Charms?" Sasori was the next to begin to stir. Of course when he fell off the couch Lola woke up too….too bad both of them were naked under that blanket…..

"Kisame! Kisame are you ready!? I can't wait for those surf lessons today!" Kakuzu exclaimed walking into the now empty living room. After thirty minutes. Marisol had gotten into the shower, Sasori and Lola had gone out for breakfast. Sasuke was just waking up among the Lucky Charms and now Kisame and Kakuzu were preparing to leave for the surf lessons…..when Itachi and Dana appeared at the front door of the condo. Kisame stared at them both for a moment and then he moved in close to both of them.

"Oh my god….where the hell have you two been all night? Why are you carrying Dana?" Kisame didn't wait for a reply. "Oh my god! You smell…..horrible! It's a combination of alcohol, day old clothes, sweat…and I am not going any further." Kisame said.

"Move….my angel needs a shower and her thighs are very sore…I'm lacking my appropriate facial moisturizer…the sea air is very dry." Itachi said softly. Itachi disappeared into the master bedroom with Dana in his arms….


	17. Chapter 17 Going Home

"Sasori, I've had a wonderful time with you while you've been here in Miami." Lola said.

"Yeah, me too. I almost dread going back home truthfully." Sasori said with disappointment in his voice.

"You know Sasori, you and I live only two hours apart. There's no reason we should let that get in our way of seeing each other if that's what you want." Sasori quickly perked up.

"Are you seirous? He asked squeezing her hands.

"Of course I'm serious! Sasori you are like the most sophisticated and cultured man I've ever met." Lola said. "I want to be able to spend time with you. You're so great Sasori." Sasori was never happier of course this precious moment was rudely interrupted.

"Oh my god itachi! You are freakishly strong! Let go of my arm! God how does Dana handle you!" Sasuke wailed.

"Shut up! Don't drag Dana in to this. You can not pack your ugly Orochimaru clothes in MY suitcase!" Itahci yelled.

"Does Sasori know he has 27 missed calls….every one of them from Kabuto?" Kisame asked.

"I'm sure he doesn't he's been wrapped up in that woman he met." Zetsu said.

"Alright, Tobi's all packed. Since he destroyed his Wal-Mart bags that he packed in I had to cram his stuff in Kakuzu's baggage, really." Hidan said.

"Oh my god, we have like so much more stuff than we came down here with!" Marisol said as she tugged her luggage into the living room in front of Deidara."

"Itachi! Oh my god you are going to break my arm!" Sasuke yelled.

"Then get your ugly ass underwear OUT OF MY SUITCASE!"

"Is the Sharingan really necessary right now, Itachi?" Sasuke asked pulling everything else out of his brother's suitcase.

"DO YOU WANT TO DIE!" Itachi yelled.

"Okay, okay. It's out just take me to the airport." Sasuke said.

"Hey, listen we need to clear out the fridge. We have leftover food and we need to get on the road soon." Kisame delegated orders. It was true, the Miami vacation was over and it was time for everyone to head back home. It had been a wonderful vacation and Sasori had finally found someone who he could keep in his life. He was definitely a changed man.

As for Itachi, the ocean must have had odd effects on him because he had plans…big plans. Of course he had to drive Sasuke's ass to the airport so he dragged Deidara in on the deal. It was everyone else's job to pack up the van. Marisol and Dana were trying as hard as they could to cram all the luggage into the trunk of the Mercedes.

"You know Dana this had been like a totally great vacation." Marisol said.

"It so has, yeah." Dana answered.

Everyone seemed so saddened by the fact that they would be returning home, but they would be on the road soon enough. But now that Lola was in Sasori's life what would happen when everyone returned home? How in the world was a 5 bedroom apartment going to accommodate another woman when she was in town? And how in the world would she ever fit in with Dana or Marisol? It seems as though things in the Akatsuki life were getting more complicated. Oh, and how would the leader accept this new woman: Lola Aagard Ph.D After all, she was quite possibly the smartest of the group compared to Sasori.

Goodbye Miami, you survived….

Okay guys, sorry I had to cut this chapter short but I wanted to take a moment and introduce the next story to you: Akatsuki Game Show! Look for the first chapter soon! It will be much shorter than this one. As always….thanks for reading. Much Love, AkiraDawn


End file.
